Website Ugly? Bookkeeping Outdated? Content Creation a Chore? Here are 15 Things Claude Can Do to Give Your Business Superpowers Before Breakfast. Nobody Wants to Read a Potato. The Internet Is 90% Potato. Use Your Personality, for Vodka's Sake. AI Isn't Making the Internet Generic. AI Takes the Creative Kit and Makes Them *Nuclear*. 4 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Sending Emails to Your List (Not Even You, Steve) Output vs Opinion: The Only Two Jobs Left in the World How to Use Claude Code to Redesign Your Entire Website The Invisible Cost of Shitty Design Claude Did My Bookkeeping. It Made One Mistake. Is "Intentionally Irrelevant" the Next American Dream? The Future of Email The #1 Skill of the Year The (New) Cost of Time Stop Trying to Eat the Buffalo 🦬 Exactly How I'd Build a (Fun!) $1M Wine Biz "Textbook Mouth" is the New Cringe A Field Guide to Pushy People, Lobsters, and Selling Online Your Sales Page Needs a Shower 🚿 The Farmer Who Hid from Paying Customers Weak Offer? No Offer? TRY THIS. The $182,000 Email (You Didn't Write, Dammit) Are You Getting Paid Enough? No Crying in Baseball, Ash! A Can of America's Sh*ttiest Beer Feces on the Subway, Mmmhhmmmmmmm Decapitated Muppet Vibes Cure for Not Being a Chicken Sh*t The $1,919.61 Email That Almost Made Me Amish Big, Old, Fat Hot Dogs Dear World: I’d Rather Be a Boob-Tart Than a Bittersweet Tragedy Puglia + Aperol Spritzes + Return to Happiness Dear World: Crock Pots Are F*cking Magical Wedgies, euthanasia & 2,456 unanswered emails Dear World: My House Wants to Sit On My Face Offline 💧 Dreams, Print Newspapers & Delightful Days Dear World: You Are Eating Your Zip Code Dear World: Please, I'm Begging You, Let's Shut Off Our Phones Dear World: The Kind of Hell You Choose Will Always Determine the Kind of Freedom You Have I Don't Want Your Email, Jack-OOOO Memorable as a Rice Cake = Broke Cakes Dear World: I Moved to the Country for "The Simple Life." It's Cost Me More Than Traveling the World Ever Did. Dear World: Rural America Isn’t as “Peaceful” as You Think Dear World: You’ve Never Had Hummus? Dear World: My 92-Year-Old Neighbor Died Need a Ballsy Brand Name? I Have Some Ballsy Advice You Want the Money? You Gotta Write. Dear World: You Were Born to Be a Lightning Rod Want Your Ambition Back? Put Yourself in the Right Rooms Dear World: Why Does Everything Have to Be "Worth It?" Dear World: I Paid $46,887 in Interest in Just Two Years. (Here's What They Don't Tell You About Mortgages.) Dear World: Being an Adult is Largely a Very Long Game of Trying to Not Get F*cked Over Dear World: If You're Thinking About Giving it All Up to Do Something Different, *This is for You* Dear World: Sometimes "Making It" Can Feel Dirty Dear World: The Internet Has Chlamydia Again Dear World: I’m Not Answering My Phone Dear World: I Have Been Baptized in Glitter and Bacon Grease Dear World: I Think I Gaslit Myself Into Productivity Dear World: Are You High? (And Other Things I've Been Wondering About Life) Dear World: Nobody Has Time to Do Laundry When You're Busy Making Yourself Come...Alive Dear World: You Should Be Rich as Hell Dear World: This Paint Color Looks Like Dehydrated Dog Puke Dear World: I Cut Through My Floor and Found Satan (His Name Was Water Damage) Dear World: I’m Starting a Wallpaper Company. No, I Haven’t Lost My Mind. You Don't Look Stupid: A Grown-Ass Guide to Self-Reinvention Ooooh, You Fool! How to Kill Your Imposter Syndrome With My FAVORITE Trick Ever 🔪 How to Find Your Next Big Love Affair With Life How to Do What You Love from Anywhere in the World Miracle-Gro Doesn't Sell Fertilizer (And You're Not Selling What You Think, Either) Every Time You Flake on Yourself, Your Brain Takes Notes “Sleep Is a Skill” Made Me Stand Up and Clap. Your Brand Name Should Do That. What a Fictional British Aunt Can Teach You About Selling Bedsheets How to Become Rich as Hell With Your Art You'd Never Name an Air Conditioner “July”—Which Is Exactly Why It Works Put “Jane Doe Needs Pasta” at the Top of Your Website. Trust Me. "You Need a Platform" (And Other Things We Secretly Hate Worrying About) The Netflix Show That Accidentally Explains Why Nobody's Coming to Your Business Branding Your Work is a Hilarious Cruel Punishment from the Gods How to Stop Forcing Sh*t Kia Called It “Nightfall.” Ford Called It “Black Appearance Package.” Guess Who Sells the Fantasy. Changing Careers When You’re Middle-Aged is Hard Because You Feel Like an Idiot The Disappearance of Your Nightdress (Or: Why Old Movies Are a Branding Goldmine) “Let's See If You Qualify”: The Pretentious Opt-In Trick That Actually Works The #1 Rule for Launching a Hot-Ass Successful Project: You Gotta Keep it *Simple* How Do You Sell a Bench for $45,160? I Think the Tulips Are Trying (And 18 Other Names Begging to Become Brands) This Lesson About a Woman Named Janet Will Help You Smash Your Newsletter Meet Me Where the WiFi's Bad: Yearbook Scribbles That Would Slaughter as Brand Names This Lesson About Friendship Will Help You Sell Way, Way More 🚀 Neighborhood Newsletter?????? Somebody Please Steal “Public Skate” Before I Start a Creative Agency Out of Spite This Lesson About Finding Your Voice Can Resurrect Your Soggy, Dying Career Ambitions The Bookshop That Only Sells Five Books (And Would Out-Earn Yours) This Lesson About Sandwiches Can Make You *Rich* Five Businesses I'm Giving Away Free, Including One About Hotel Minibars I Got My Yard Designed, and It Changed the Way I Do Business Start a Local Newsletter: The Ultimate How-to Guide Personality is the New Marketing People Talk About the Things They Love What the Smartest People Are Doing to Change Careers in 2025 Your Work Is Not Expensive—Your Work is Misunderstood 'The Quiet Passion': Is This Where Your Purpose Has Been Hiding All Along? 'The Shallow Hustle': Is Your Career Big Enough for You? Reinvent Yourself Using These Super Helpful Reframes (So You Don't Feel Like a Big, Fat Imposter) Starting a Newsletter, Darling? How to Get Un-Fricking-Stuck as an Adult Dear World: There is Only ONE Big, Fat Golden Rule of Country Living: Never Let The Pipes Freeze Learn With Ash: Set Up Your First Substack Newsletter With Me 💪 Dear World: LOOK, MY PORCH LIGHT IS NOW ON! THIS IS A SIGN! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! I WILL EAT YOUR UNBORN CHILDREN. 3 Things to Help You Do Work You Love from Anywhere This Year Can You Really Airbnb Your House While You Travel the World? I Am Eating Pickled Deer Heart Why Paid Newsletters Will Make You Poor (If You Don't Know This Math) Dear World: I Am Stuck in a Snowstorm & I Smell Like Voldemort’s Cousin How to Launch Your New Thing With *Joy* I Am Eating Alfredo Sauce in a Strip Mall 8 Things I'd Do *Today* to Build a Bingeworthy Newsletter Even Tina Fey Would Want to Read Dear World: I Have Farmhouse Tit Sweat. And Lemme Tell You About This Mold. 3 Ballsy Brand Moves (You Should Copy This Year) Dear World: I Am at an Event Called "The Dirt Squirts" Dear World: I Can’t Stop Thinking About How Different Life is in the Country Than in the City Bought the Wrong Fn Watering Can Dear World: I Can't Believe There's English Muffin BREAD Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Make & Sell Your Own Templates 9 Boundaries You Should Set With New Clients Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Sell a Monthly Subscription to Your Work Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Make & Sell Your First Online Course Dear World: I Am Learning the Lost Art of "Sucking It Up" Unconventional Career Idea 💡Become a Nostalgia Curator Dear World: I Have Theories About How to Change Your Life 23 Questions That Will Help You Decide Which Business to Start Unconventional Career Idea 💡Become a Local Relocation Consultant How to Work from Anywhere If Your Sales are Slow, You Need This Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Try the *New* Affiliate Marketing Dear World: I Have Become—Brace Yourself—an Outdoorsy Person 6 Secrets to Pricing Yourself Beautifully Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Start a Paid Newsletter (That Actually Pays) Dear World: I Am Doing Weird Hillbilly Things 'I Want to Sell Online Courses' Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Create a Fun Online Fan Club Unconventional Career Idea💡 Start a Modern Newspaper Dear World: I Think I Am Gardening 13 Reasons You Should Take Off Your Sissy Pants & Self-Publish Unconventional Career Idea 💡 Become a Mobile Wedding Writer 3 Scripts for Firing a Client Who's Just Not on Your Level Dear World: I Quit My Life 🔪 & Moved to the Woods 🏡 40 Things Every Grown-Up Needs to Make Good Money With Their Craft Dear World: I Am Going to Iceland to Eat Ram's Testicles The "Giant Squid" Method of Finding Your Niche Dear World: I Officially Plunged the Toilet of a Dollar General I Am Seriously Overthinking This 🔪 11 Ways a Newsletter Can Make You Rich 🔪 Dear World: I Am Standing in This Street With a Beer God, I'm Going to Explode Ask Ash: 'Why Would Anyone Pick Me? I'm Struggling to Figure Out How to Stand Out from the Crowd' Dear World: I Am Trying to Figure Out What to Do With This Dead Racoon Ask Ash: 'Should I Go Into Business With a Friend?' Dear World: I Am Really Not Sure About This Salad Ask Ash: 'Does Anybody Really Want to Be on Social Media Anymore?' Dear World: I Don't Know How to Be Normal Dear World: I Am in a Furniture Store and It Hurts How to Make Yourself MAGNETIC ⚡️ Ask Ash: 'Should I Be Asking Clients for a Deposit? How Can I Make It Less Awkward?' Dear World: I Have Questions About These Policies Dear World: I Am Waving at People All Wrong Ask Ash: 'I'm Scared to Death to Get on the Phone With Prospective Clients—What if They Say It's Too Expensive???' Dear World: I Am Trying to Mail This Letter Ask Ash: ‘We Want to Go Abroad for a Year, and Need Advice on How to Sustain Ourselves Financially.' Want to Write a Book? Here's Surprising Advice. Dear World: I Am Searching for My Youth in This Bar Ask Ash: 'I'm Recently Divorced and Find Myself Desperately Needing a Grand Advanture. How Much Does It Cost to Travel for 3 Months in Style?' You Can Make $100K Doing Almost Anything These Days Dear World: I Am in a Duel With This Toilet Ask Ash: 'I Don't Have Any Experience.' Dear World: I Don't Know How to Pay This Bill Ask Ash: 'I Am Worried I Am Old, Ridiculous & Irrelevant. The Idea of Putting Myself Out There is So Daunting.' Dear World: I Am Confused About People Ask Ash: 'I Want to Touch the Sky but Everyone Keeps Telling Me I Am Being Stupid' Dear World: I Have Gained 20 Pounds Since Arriving to America Ask Ash: 'I Want to Travel Italy. Learn How to Cook. People Watch in Courtyards. And Spend My Afternoons Writing a Book.' Dear World: I Am at a Truck Stop Diner I Needed to Go Offline to Be Happy Again Can We Really Follow Our Passions, or Are We Too F*cking Tired? Confession: I Did Not Like Living in Costa Rica "But, What's My Passion? What's My Thing???" Why Aren't More People Doing Remarkable, Interesting Work? Dear World: I Don't Want This Fucking Freezer Wanting to Make Money Does Not Make You Greedy: An Open Letter to Bitches Who Wanna Sell Stuff Online How to Rake in Big $$$ With Your Creative Biz Dear World: You Probably Need Some Goddamn Alone Time Say THIS to Get 759,000% More Money in the Door Before the Holidays A Conservative Considers Moving Abroad—But Then Gets Cold Feet How to Charge More Money for Your Time: A Guide for Introverts & Nice People Dear World: I Am Terrified of This Basement Dear World: I Do Weird Things in America When Your Job is Balls, But You Don’t Know What Else to Do Dear World: I Bought This House and Then Had a Stroke I Ripped Out an Entire Kitchen With My Bare F*cking Hands “I Write for 3 Hours a Day, Fucking Period.” Dear World: I Am Going to Be Murdered in This Garage Dear World: I (Still) Don't Want Kids Unconventional Career Spotlight: Make $100K+ With Online Courses Dear World: I Bought a Big, Weird House in the Countryside as a Woman By Myself On Getting the Nerve to Be HAPPY 15 Reasons Why Small Towns = The New Self Care Imposter Syndrome is Robbing the F*ck Out of Us All This is Robbing the F*ck Out of Us All What Happened to Popsicles, Fireflies, Laying in the Grass, and Letting the World be Miraculous??? You Can’t Ignore the Things You Know in Your Heart An Ode to Free Time & Faded Cut-Off Jeans: A Manifesto for Living Better and Working Less The Kind of Life Your Nervous System Loves Take the Risks You’ll Remember Forever Don’t Get a Job. Get an Obsession. It’s the Best Way to Be Happy With Your Work. I Don't Want to Have to Be "On"Anymore Dear World: I'm at a Cottage in the Middle of the Woods Finding Your Passion is a Bitch Go the F*ck Outside—The Internet is Screwing With Your Happiness Dear World: I Ate Tiny Little Sea Terrorists & Didn't Scream Can You Really Make Money Writing on Substack? Venice, Italy: Perfect if You Want a Fast-Moving Town Full of Life, Culture, Food, Fascinating People, and a Special Quality You Can't Find Anywhere Else Your Art is Worth Money (And Brains Are Assholes) I'm Drinking a 5-Pack of Beer Travel is the Closest I’ve Ever Been to God The Anxiety of Doing Anything Marginally Interesting With Your Life This Stupidly Cute Small Town Almost Made Me Move to Freakin' Illinois Galena, Illinois: Perfect if You Want Walkability, an Adorable Main Street, Historic Architecture, and Locals Who Actually...Wave??? How to Reinvent Yourself This Year (Hint: Trust the Things That Excite You) Small-Town Girl Goes to Starbucks & Learns Valuable Life Lessons Lincoln, Nebraska: Perfect if You Want a Buzzy, Lively, Mid-Sized Town With Great Food, Cool Buildings & Youthful Energy I Am Eating a Very Large Sausage The Curmudgeon's Pros/Cons to Costa Rica Castles, Cowardly Choices & Dangerous Opinions No Babies, No Regrets & The Myth of “Settling Down” Vomit, $7K Whoppers & The Adult Nomad Casserole, Granny Prayers & Freelance Fart Fumes Pricks, Workaholic Weird & Instagram Cockroaches The new digital nomad has 💰 💰 💰 She helps people write the book 📖 of their dreams—and she's earned a cool $250,000 💰 doing it in just 24 months 🌟 Working less 🥵, saving your sanity 🙏, and the guy who makes $250K sailing around the world ⛵️ He sails around the world on his boat ⛵️—and earns $250K a year writing SEO content 📝 Trusting your voice 📣, working while traveling 🛩, and the web designer who makes $500K/year 👩‍💻 This introverted web designer 👩‍💻 earns $500,000/year...without working herself to death 🌟 Here's her secret! A nomad cash flow trick, an obsession with Slovenia, and making $1.5 million writing recipes 🍝 🌮 🍕 This couple makes $1.5M a year writing recipes 🌮—and they do it all from their home in Hawaii 🌴 This artist makes a million a year 💰 drawing sketches on YouTube ▶️ Kicking Imposter Syndrome in the Nards Permission to Flake She earns $842,000 a year without an email list. 🤯 Here's how. The "Pig Farmer" Edition The "Don't Eat Bread Like a Heathen" Edition This Mom of Two Earns $960,000 a Year Showing People How to Make Clothes Online The "F*ck It, I'm Buying a Cabin" Edition The "Surprising Secret to Nomad Success" Edition The "Wine Pours, Awkward Restaurant Moments, and Packaging Your Services" Edition The "Whisky, Pasta, and WTF Should I Charge???" Edition The "Where the Hell Are We Staying???" Edition Tornado Warnings, Pepperoni Pizzas & Castles (THE USUAL) | NOTE: short, mostly links + one travel anecdote This Couple Needed to Turn Their Blog Into a Business: Here’s How I’d Turn Their Hot Topic Into Top Dollar The New Salary is Here: Soon, Digital Nomads Will Out-Earn the Average Professional—And Be a Lot Happier, Too The Cost of Not Traveling: Featuring Mexico City, Eyeball Tacos, and "Travel Karens" This Etiquette Consultant Needed a New About Page: Here's How I'd Make People Scream to Work With Her How to Do Email Marketing Without a Scuzz Hangover: Modern Ideas for Creators, Digital Nomads & Other Wonderful Humans Online 48 to Freedom The Romantic, Creative Spirit of Lisbon, Portugal—And Why This T-Rex-Hearted City is the (New) New York for Digital Nomads This Irish Tour Company Needed to Differentiate Themselves: Here's How I'd Go From Invisible to Un-F*cking-Forgettable The Real Key to Earning $250,000/Year as a Creator (And Why More People Aren’t) The Whole Wide World Isn’t Big Enough for You, Darling This Tattoo Artist Needed Less Overwhelm, More Money: Here's How I'd Grow the Biz Without the Burn Out Client Weird About Your Contract? Say This and They’ll Happily Sign (While Probably Hugging You) This London Tour Guide Needed to Scale Her Biz: Here's How I'd Add $250K to Her Bottom Line “F*ck Doing It All”: How Sharp-Toothed Maverick Grit Can Sell Your Products to Complete Strangers This Coach Needed a Fresh New Message That Stood Out: Here’s How I Took Her from “Same” to “Fame” in 15 Minutes Dreaming of Becoming a Digital Nomad? Here’s a $25,000 Reason Why You Should Take the Leap Searching for Meaning in Life? Psst, It's Hiding In Your EMOTIONS This Cake Designer Could Be Making Millions: Here’s How She Can 10X Her Income (And Make Us All Hungry) How to Stop Writing With a Stick Up Your Rump: A Foolproof Way to Add More Personality Without Being Unprofessional Does Your Writing Suffer from Overthinking? 3 Signs You Need to Trust Your Voice More—And Outside Opinions Less The Fear of Being Uninteresting (And a Crappy Plot Twist): Is Originality Actually Preventing You From Being Happy? This Bitch Got 600K Instagram in a Year: Here's How She's Making That Magic! (Middle Finger Fridays) Um, Hello: Your Newsletter NEEDS This New Feature 😲 (Game-Changer!) | NOTE: dated product-feature news, borderline ConvertKit is the BEST Newsletter Tool for Creators— And Here’s the (Surprising) Reason Why I Made $5M Self-Publishing Books Online—Here Are 7 Things I’d Do Differently if I Were Starting From Scratch in 2022 How to Prove Yourself to Non-Believers (& Other Dollar Store Peanut Trolls) Digital Creators Shouldn't Build a Team Unless They Like Babysitting......A Lot. Want to Earn a Damn Good Living as a Creator? Keep. It. Simple. Your Happiness 401(k): Are You Budgeting Enough Joy in Your Life? Burned Out? Doing This Daily Changed My Life 3 Mistakes EVERYONE Makes With Their Homepage Headline (That Can Seriously Flatline Your Messaging) How to Nail Your Friggin’ Message, Once and For All, Using This Trick The Magic Message Bootcamp x Ukraine—NOW OPEN Happiness, Being Your Damn Self & Starting the Business That Makes You Brave How to Market Yourself in 2022—And Make ALL The Clients Come to Your Yard “I Want More Adventure & Whimsy In My Life”—And the Worst Advice I Ever Read On Getting It It’s Okay to Be Done With Good Things Selling With Email—How to Transition from "Hello, Yay, Friends" to "BUY M' STUFF, BISH." What's the "Ash Ambirge" Method for Growing a Newsletter in a Meaningful Way? How to Add Urgency to Products Available All the Time (It's Possible!) Should You Automate Your Emails? My Surprising Answer How to Attract an Audience With a Bomb-Ass Content Strategy Plan How to Monetize The H#!! Out of a Blog The Freaking Formula to Printing Money (Even Though I Hhh—aaayyyyy—teeee Formulas) But, Where Are Le People??? [VIDEO] Try This Marketing Hack (+ James Bond Spy Tips) | NOTE: video-only email The Case for the Paid Newsletter (HUZZAH) Ash Talks Sexy About Email Opt-Ins—And Exactly What Yours Should Say Listen: Do What You Crave Without the Guilt. Travel to Italy. Enroll in That Workshop. Make Your Art Every Afternoon. And Hurl Yourself Into the Unknown—For This Is The Best ROI That Money Can Buy. You Aren't Being "Difficult" and You Aren't a Bother. You're a Professional Who's Got Their Shit Together. Bake a Cake and Shut Your Mouth: Or, How to Be Unhappy, Unfulfilled, and a Martyr to Your Own Life Your Aunt Judy's Ass Has More Perspective Than You or Me Right Now Big Money & Simple Ease: I Want to Prove You Can Have It All Without Spending It All No Control, No Sales The 3 Most Important Numbers Launch Unfinished Pleasure, Money, Newsletters & Emotions Writing, Houses & Hot Dogs: A Love Story On Not Thinking With Your Cultural Crotch You Can't Be One Thing Forever, My Darling On Being DONE With Your Work: A Guilt-Free Approach to To-Do Lists 16 Words That'll Help You Defeat Refund Bullies Over the Phone On Giving Refunds with Kindness (But Taking No Shit) How I Got an Interview On The Today Show!!! What I Said to the Journalist, Word-for-Word (Got Me Featured in Newspaper!) "But How Do I Get Exposure for My Little Biz?!" Welp, Finland's #1 AGAIN for World Happiness, Those Clever Bastards—Here's Why Read If You're Thinking, "I Want to Go Freelance, But Who the Hell is Going to Pay Me?!" On Having "Enough Experience," Portfolios (Yay or Nay?), And Getting Taken SeRiOuSlY. The Trick to Writing a Bangin' Resume, Punching Imposter Syndrome in the Mouth, and the Best New Podcast on The Block (NO, NOT MINE) You Know the Best Way to Sell a Service? GATEWAY DRUGS, MY FRIEND. Unintimidated HQ™️—My New Communication Company Inspired by Kamala Harris 💪 (A Really Good) Answer to, "How Do I Stand Out in a Sea Full of Competitors?!" Are You Making This Mistake With Your Lead Magnet? (It's Super Duper Common.) Why You Should Never Do Another Free Client Call Again "You're Too Expensive"—NONSENSE, KITTEN. Here's Your Reply. Free Email Template: Pay Your Invoice, Jerk Free Email Template: Switch Your Clients to Retainer the Easy Way I Was On BBC Radio London—ARE YOU DYING??? I Wrote a Book About Changing Careers—And Here's My Advice to Donald J. Trump, CAPS PIRATE III "Fuck It, Not Voting, Doesn't Matter"—And the Surprising Reason Why It Actually Does Right Now, Someone Out There is Admiring You, Greatly. You Don't Exist to Please Dipshits [New Podcast ?] Abortion, Guns, God & Pussies—And Is Civil War Inevitable? Decide What Really Fucking Matters to You Can You Be Educated and Ignorant? Should You Talk Politics in Business? Or Stay Neutral and Keep Your Mouth Shut? Talking Trash: How It Helped Elect the World's Most Dangerous President Why Donald Trump’s Crude Messaging Lands With Rural Voters—Despite Notorious Christian Values Can Americans Ever Like Each Other Again? A Note on Writing, Politics & What the Hell We're Doing Now The Hidden Shame of Entrepreneurship—And Why For Some People, It's Really Frigging Hard to Sell Themselves Is Your Bio Absolute Trash? It May Be Missing This Key Ingredient Start a Boring Business—Not an Innovative One. (Also Filed Under: Business Advice I Never Thought I'd Give.) Your Job is Not to Change the World Overnight, But to Be a Tiny, Torturous Drip on the Forehead I Unpublished My Business Facebook Page—And I've Never Felt So Liberated White Apathy and The Bullshit Argument That "They Could Help Themselves If They Really Wanted To" I Googled "How to Pit an Olive" and IT BLEW MY MIND. (You Need to Know This.) 5 Apps Every Creative Business Needs to Get Their Shit in Order (With Extra Love for Non-Planney Types) "The Money's Too Good to Give Up" and Other Nonsense I am GOING TO SPANK WITH A JELLYFISH 10 Things That'll Make You Go "Ooh, Oooh, Oooohh!" (Especially if You're in Online Business) A Virus Can Keep You Inside, But It Can't Keep Your Ideas There 1 Extra Sale Per Day = $3,000 Extra Per Month—And Here's How to Get It! Use a Deadline The Way You Use Condoms: Every. Freaking. Time. (And Other Sales Lessons You Need!) #REALTALK: Here's What Saved ~My~ Business HOLY OTTER URINE ON A DONUT! If You're Stressed About $$$, I'm Donating My Time to Help. Rec for Taxes (Save Us All) I'm Gonna Be on The Jenny McCarthy Show—YOU GOTTA TUNE IN! Can't Believe I Said This to JENNY F*CKING MCCARTHY Calling Anyone Who Wants to Write a Book! People Got PiSsSsED at Me Last Year for Promoting B-School It Doesn't Matter Where You Start. But Waiting to Start Will Kill You. What's Your Little Ball? (Not to Be Confused With: "Your Little Balls.") What Is It With Building Contractors? REALLY THO. (Plus a Lesson on Pre-Qualifying Your Clients Or Die.) I Tattooed My Eyelids! Or: On Just Showing the Friggy Frig Up Interview Me for The Middle Finger Project Book! 13 Reasons Why That Crafty D-Bag is Making More Money Than You Psst—Here's an Original, Thoughtful, Fun-Loving Holiday Script to Send Your Clients TODAY (So It Doesn't Look Like You Forgot!) A Hot Sales Tip, A Hot Marketing Tip, and a Hot Book Tip Walk Into a Bar The Commitment-Phobe's Guide to Making a Decision When The Grass is Always Greener and YOU CAN'T STICK TO ANYTHING. I'm The Least Spiritual Punk On the Planet NOW AVAILABLE, OMG: Pre-Order The Book! Pre-Order The Book! I'm An Excitable Thirty-Five Year Old Woman Who Can't Use Her Library Voice! OH HELL YEAH: Book Pre-Orders Open at 6:24am ET on Black Friday! The Secret to Getting Yo' Brilliant Ass Featured in a Major Magazine THE BIG BOOK COVER REVEAL! See Also: The Time I Tried to Convince You to Become a Serial Killer. How I Went From Fifteen-Year-Old Trailer Park Trash to Rich Bitch—And The Surprising Secret to My Success Disobedient Book of the Week: Don't Keep Your Day Job, by Cathy Heller Percentage Off or Flat Rate? Memorize This Bomb-Ass Trick The Tired Excuse That Women Need to Stop Making (Have You Ever Used It?) Pricing Your Stuff: THE DEEP, DARK SECRET YOU NEVER KNEW The Four Paragraph Email You ~Need~ to Memorize For When Clients Owe You Money (But You Aren't Sure What to SAY) The Halloween Email Your Clients Will LOVE (Hint: It's a Promo ~In Disguise~) How to Get Back to Feeling Like Your Old Self Again The 1% Rule for When You're Feeling Rather "MEH, SUCKS" About Everything and Everyone, Even That Hot Pastry Chef Introducing: The First Annual “Wipe Your Buns With $30,000” Challenge! (Haha, I’m Not Even Kidding.) "I Don't Know What I Want to Dooooo, And I'm Kinda Confused, and I'm Feeling Like a Flakey Little Fruitcake, Ash!" Unf*ckwithable Business If I Were an Internet Douche, "5x Your Revenue" Would Be The Title of This Post, LOL. UM, QUESTION: What are the Things You Hate, Actually *Giving* You...Homie? Updates! Books! New Classes! Speaking in London! (And a few fun rants.) Feeling Overwhelmed (And Who Friggin' Isn't?): Ask Yourself This Three-Word Question If You Ain't Feelin' Your Work Anymore: HONEY, BURN THAT ISH DOWN. The Easy, Eloquent, Smooth and Non-Salesy Way to Sell Your Clients MORE—Using One Simple Word YOU AREN'T CHARGING ENOUGH. Here Are Twenty Big, Fat Reasons Why. Ten Urgent Lessons Women Need to Learn About Making Money—Without Apology 29 Creative Ways You Can Find Some Extra Money on the Fly, In a Pinch, When You're Strapped and When You're All: SOS, Cash Flow Where'd You Go?! Ladies: DO NOT LET THEM MONEY-SHAME YOU You Have This GREAT IDEA, But You're Hesitant to Take the Leap. Could This Be Why? 9 Rookie Mistakes I Made When I Wrote My Very First Book Proposal (Don't Do This!) Answers to Your Questions About Book Deals + The Publishing Process! (Plus An Army Tank, The Nickname "Butch," and My Favorite New Compliment: CREAMY.) Writing a Book? Curious About the Publishing Process? Submit Your Q's Here! Biggggg Announcements! Four of Them! (Featuring the Word, "JizzlePants," In Case You Weren't Already Tempted) Nervous That Being Your Big, Silly Self Won't Seem "Professional?" This Story Will Help. Don't Forget I Have a Magic Wand for Bookkeeping + Taxes! (Especially if You're All, "I Haven't Even THOUGHT About That Stuff Yet, GAH.") The Surprising Reason Why I Decided to Buy My Own (GASP!) Apartment—As an Independent Woman With Her Own Money and Her Own Mind What to Do When Your Work No Longer Inspires You—And Everything Feels Like Ass-Flavored Drudgery [NOW OPEN!] Register Now for B-School and Get a Private, 60-Minute Call With Me Dream Zappers, Thought Terrorists, and Why You Should Be Weary of Anyone Who Tells You "I'm Just Looking Out for You" How to Start an Online Business When You Are Not an “Internet Person”—And Are Seriously Doubting That You Can Do This I Hate Mantras, And YET—I Love This One for When You're Kinda Sorta Shitting Your Pants OH, NO, SORRY TO DISAPPOINT. All Fucks Are Currently on Backorder. We'll Alert You When This Item Is Back in Stock. No, You're Not Overreacting. You're Not Reading Into It Too Much. And You're Not Being Overly Emotional, Either. You Can't Sell a $50 Steak to Someone Who's There for a $2 Enchilada Taking Time Off for the Holidays but HAVEN'T TOLD YOUR CLIENTS? Here’s a Proven Script You Can Use (That Won’t Put Anyone's Undies in a Bunch) Boo-Yah, Time to Raise Your Rates! Here's a Proven Script You Can Use (That Won’t Even Make It a Little Bit Awkward) "You Are So Annoying!" And Other Things People Are NOT Thinking About You When You Market to Them The Three-Word Trick for Giving Your Content an Insta-Boner (Ooohhh, She Said The B Word!) The Top 10 Rookie Mistakes That Will Royally F*ck-Up Your Shot at a Book Deal, Y'all The All-New Rules for Writing Magnificent Shit on the Internet "We Don't See You Fucking Up As Much as YOU See You Fucking Up": My New Podcast Interview with Jess Lorimer on Selling Yourself Bravely On Branding Your Work With Balls (Featuring THE BEST QUESTION EVER) For My People-Pleasing Babes Running Themselves Ragged (In Which The Phrase "Suck an Eggplant" Totally Makes an Appearance) Be Brave, Courageous, Interesting, Crazy, Difficult, Weird, and Downright Complicated. But Don't You Ever Be Normal. Make 50% of the Population Hate You We Need You to Give Yourself the Job How to Introduce Yourself at a Dinner Party Like a Cool-As-A-Cucumber BALLER Sometimes Wonderful Can Still Be Heavy Know Who Your Haters Are One Big, Sexy Question for Instant Clarification On: What the Hell Do I Want to Do With My Life? 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If You Suck at Numbers And The Term "Balance Sheet" Makes You Nervous Laugh, THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR EFFING LIFE The One-Hour Rule for Loving the Sh*t Out of Your Life The A-Z Guide to Becoming an Unf*ckwithable Freelancer IN YO' SLEEP 24 Ways to Love Yourself Fiercely + Bravely—Even When You're Feeling Like a Heaping Hot Mess You Are Stronger Than You Were Yesterday Fundamental Truth: You Can't Make Money Unless You're Making Offers 25 Things I Stopped Doing This Year in the Name of "Quiet Happiness" "It's Too Dangerous to Travel." (And Other Hard Conversations I Had While Driving Through Rural America.) To The People Who Keep Asking Me When I’m Having a Baby I Used to Believe That Unless It Was Painful to Achieve, I Didn't Deserve the Money. The #1 Thing Your Clients Secretly Don't Want You to F*ck Up "I Want to Do Something Else...But What?" Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves. "Is It Really Better Out There?" For Those Who Grew Up In a Small Town and Left. Self-Care Isn't Always Glamorous. There's No Such Thing As An Idea That *Isn’t* Offensive Not Sure What to Sell? Here's a Shot of Inspiration. Read This if You Need Eyeballs On Your Stuff But Have NO EFFING IDEA HOW TO GET ANYONE TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOU SO HELP YOU VODKA. THIS VIDEO, THOUGH. Talk About Making Me Hot, Hot, Hot With Desire. (Not That Kind.) (But Maybe?) Stop Waiting to “Be Ready.” Or “Have Your Ducks in a Row.” Or Until the Baby is Born, or the House is Built, or the Kids Are Older / More Independent / Less of a Pain in the Ass. Do It Or Dump It? A Note About Selecting Your Priorities Like a Badass Bitch. Stop. Just Stop. Stop the Overdelivering, Overcommitting, Overworking, Overexertion. Because Overwhelm? We're Over YOU. Everything About Your Work Feel Heavy, Humdrum & Hard? Get Over Your Fear of Selling Yourself With This Trick for Showing Up With Confidence, Energy and Ease Sometimes, Being Difficult Is an Act of Devotion Don't Sell Your Soul—Sell Your SKILLS. "What Kind of Business Should I Start?" For Anyone Whose BRAIN! IS EXPLODING! WITH! UNCERTAINTY! We’re Quick to Throw Away Our Gut Instincts in Favor of Someone Else’s Advice HEYYYY-OHHHHH, You Should Probably Register Your Trademark Before Someone Steals Your Business Name Out From Under You and Then You Want to Grab a Knife and COMMIT BLOODY, BLOODY MURDER She Wrote the Book On It Scared You'll ___________? Here's a Clever Little Mental Tip for Becoming UNF*CKWITHABLE. We Are Overthinking EVERYTHING Calling All of My Flakes, My Quitters, My Commitment Clunkers: The Secret to Finishing What You Started Is NOT Patience. (So You Can Tell All Of Those "Have Patience" Hoodlums to Kiss It.) "You Think Some Other Man is Going to Want You?" 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If You’re Making Less Than $300,000, WE NEED TO TALK Dear Barnes & Noble: I Love You, But You’re Doing It Wrong There's a Little Something I Like to Call: THE SUCK THRESHOLD Marketing Is Fucking Weird, Isn't It? Should You Offer a Payment Plan? The World's Funniest Fucking Soaps, Uh, Ever The Three-Deadline Rule for Requesting Client Feedback $5 Discount or $5 Surcharge? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MISSION STATEMENTS. (Really?) "Hire Me" versus "Listen To Me" The Competition Doesn't Have Sh*t On You "Do I Really Need Three Packages / Tiers / Levels for Selling My Online Course?" The One Line Script That Will Help You Raise Your Rates Without Sweating, Swearing or Sounding Like a Greedy, No-Good, Finger-Licking Arse Don't Sell a Product—Sell a Person Their Identity Burnout's A Bitch—So Maybe You Should Sit Your Ass Down Good Work Should Never Come Easy "How Do You Make Money From a Blog / Social Media / Your Grandmother's YouTube Channel?!" Too Shy to Stand Up and Sing Your Own Praises? Start Here, You Humble Little Lovebug, You. DO NOT KILL THE PEOPLE SELLING LULAROE. They're Actually Ahead of the Curve—And Here's Why. For the Love of Everything Vodka: Do You Even *Like* the Work That You're Doing??? "I AM The Best—And I Didn't Get That Way By Letting Other People Call the Shots" A Note of Support for All My Dreamers Getting Their Ideas Pooh-Poohed By Their Family, Their Friends, Their Spouses, and Their Neighbors (Fucking Neighbors, Am I Right?) You Are F*cking Crazy If You Don't Have a Self-Published Book on Amazon #WRITINGTIP: Action Verbs When You Need Someone to ACT My Two-Word Trick for Getting Over the Hump When You Have ZERO Motivation to Work On That Awful Client Project and You Sorta Kinda Hate Life and Humans In General and SOMEBODY SAVE MEEEEEEEE "...Is There Any Movement On The Price?" "My Brand is Boring As Fuck. With a Capital F." 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BRAH How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself) How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself) [PART II] My Top 5 Makeup Tips for Working From Home—And NOT Looking Like a Total Soiled Sloth :) Having Trouble Committing Yourself to That Project You Really, Really Wanna Do, But Can't Seem to Get Started? "Oh Crap! What if I'm New At This + Don't Have Any Testimonials?!" There's No Such Thing as The Committee of True & Actual Greatness™ When Following the Crowd is GOOD FOR YOU. How Do You Survive? How Do You Make It Through the Shitstorm—With Grace? Only the Ordinary Can Easily Define Themselves. You? You're Another Story. Change Is Fucking Messy (Thank God) Growth Requires Muscle Tears Answering The Scary, Hairy, Thought-Provoking Question: What the **** Should I Do With My Life? Own Your Edge My Favorite Line for Handling Angry People With Dignity + Grace There's a Modern Trick to Getting What You Want, These Days. Shhhh. Come Closer, I'll Tell You What It Is. 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Working Yourself to DEATH: A Twisted Badge of Honor Reserved for The People Who Are Really Hurting Sometimes "It Is What It Is" = Best Business Policy of All Trust The Shit Out of Yourself, Alright? You ARE the Exception. Sometimes, It's Easier to Lie to Yourself, Than Do the Work Prices Are Little Facts, My Dear: A Love Note to Anyone Having Trouble Charging What They're Worth Burnout Doesn't Come From Your Business Pleasure Doesn't Need an Appointment Let's Get One Thing Straight: There's Only One Way to Stand Out from the Sea of Sameness, and It's Free The Noodle Test: Is Your Business Idea Any Good? Self-Promotion Doesn't Have to Turn You Into a Self-Absorbed A-Hole The Top 10 Commandments of Becoming an Unf*ckwithable Freelancer When You Feel Like a Hot Mess Full of Walking Contradictions and WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? Businesses Are Like Books: The Best Ones Actually SAY Something More Work Doesn't Mean More Money. It Means More Work. 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(And It's Making You Angsty and Farty and Paralyzed With Fear.) You've Only Got 12 Fucks to Give Every Day. How Do You Spend Them? Your Decisions About Yourself Have Already Decided What Happens Next A Tiger Doesn't Ask Permission of the Gazelles to Sprint The World Isn't Your Mommy You Know Who Wants a 4-Hour Work Week? The People Who Have No Great Loves, No Red Hot Hopes, No Mad-Wild-Hunger In Their Eyes. Spending Money is Not a Sacrifice, But a Strategy Having FUN Doesn't Make You an Unprofessional Schmuck "Knock, Knock, Motherfucker," she said, batting her eyelashes. Plan on Doing It Wrong First Seek Pleasure, And You Will Have Found Your Work I Wrote This For The Ones Who Care What They Might Think Are You Money Poor, Time Poor, Or Worse—Both? Hey! Nobody Cares What You Do! (Depressing, Until You Realize It's POWER.) There's a Difference Between What Something Appears to Cost You—And What Something Actually Does This is What I Pray for, More Than Anything: The Courage to Decline Charging $600 Per Customer and *Earning* $600 Per Customer Are Two Entirely Different Things Looks Aren't Superficial When It Comes to Making Money Turn Your Preferences Into Little Policies—And Your Stress Levels Will Thank the Shit Out of You If the Pressure Isn't Worth It, Say, "Sayonara Bish." If You're Resenting Your Work, the Answer is Always Murder I Became an Entrepreneur Because My Life Stopped Being Fun "What Should I Do With My Life?" We Don't Sell Those I Hate Monday: Edition #2 Never, Ever Put It Off—Or Say You'll Get to It Tomorrow. Like, Ever. So Help You Vodka. You Find Peace With Your Work Through Tension Straight Up: Every Single Asshole Fear You've Got Going On In Your Head Comes From Not Knowing Take What You Love, And Figure Out How to Sell It To Someone—And Boom, You've Got Your Dream Job The Other 50%: What Your Clients Really Want The Best Selling Never Feels Like Selling: It Feels Like a FAVOR. The Case For Charging Good Money (Featuring an $800 Example) When Disaster Strikes, Do Not Be the A-Hole With the Credit Card Machine You Aren't Mad When Your Favorite Brand Releases a New Product—And Neither Are Your Customers Is It Worth Your Time...Or Not? This Is How You Decide. The Most Important Part of Any Sales Conversation: "Here's the Way We Do It Around Here." Love or Money? Which Should You Go For in Business, In Your Next Project, In Your Next Great Lust Affair With Life? 50x Over Is Your New Fucking Motto Lack of Sleep Turning You Into a Pissed Off 2-Year Old? I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. 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Give Me Your Money Create & Offer What YOU'D Want to Buy. WANTED: Your Jerkiest, Most Unprofessional, Inappropriate Business Emails. (You Can Keep The Sender.) Networking Event? Try This Creative Approach to Introducing Yourself. Extortion, Manipulation, Fraud & Deceit: Breaking My Silence Help! My Elevator Pitch is Falling (Seriously) Flat Chested. My Pet Peeve About the Internet: No One Teaches Any Goddamn Substance An Ode to the Internet's Worst Business Advice Nice Brands Finish Last Stop Jamming A Square Peg Into A Round Butthole Headspace Is Like a Goddamn Unicorn Read This if You're an Impatient, Demanding, Self-Critical Tart Who Gets Mad at Herself When Things, You Know, Actually Take TIME On Getting Old, Having No Idea How to Make a Soufflé & Consciously Choosing to Do What You WANT. Sometimes in Business, You Need to Do YOU. Better to Be a Mouse With a Backbone, Than a Lion With No Spine: On Writing Voice On Becoming Unfuckwithable Are You Chucking Rotting Porkchops? The Top 10 Best Things About Working From Home, (Fluorescent Lighting Not Included) Constantly Guilt Yourself Over Doing "The Responsible Thing?" Maybe You Shouldn't. What if My Customers Aren't All the Same? How Do I Appeal to Multiple Targets? It's called Positioning (And for Once I'm Not Talking About the Kama Sutra) "How do I raise my rates without making it awkward?" Your Hatred is Wisdom Do You Suck at Oral? A (Tongue-In-Cheek) Discussion on Why It's Hard to Ask for Money When New Opportunities Show Up, Waving Their Ta Ta's "I Don't Feel Confident in My Work." I Hate Monday: Edition #1 Eventually You’re Going to Have to Choose Between Wonderful and Phenomenal I Hate Monday: Edition #0 Beating Yourself Up Over It Not Going Well? Don't Get Mad, Get Curious Please, Don't Get Hard (Even When Life Is) On Not Allowing: A Message for When You're Feeling Whiny Plan On Being Nervous, Brilliantly "But How The $&%* Do I EXPLAIN What I'm Selling?" Big Things Don't Happen in Big Ways If You Don't Seem Capable...You Aren't An HR Handbook for Dealing With Assholes A Meditation on Shit Talkers The Answer To: "Where Do You Get The TIME?!?!" Please, I Beg You, Get a Niche. (No Matter Which Way You Pronounce That Irritating Word.) The 140 Character Email: An Experiment in Sanity The Real Trick to Brilliant Writing When You're Suffering, Do It Anyway. And Let NOTHING Stop You. Turns Out, You *Can't* Do it All—So How Do You Pick? Starting a Sentence With "In My Opinion" is Bad for Business. Here's Why. How to Market an Unsexy Product, Become #1 On TripAdvisor & Quadruple Your Profits The Internet Is Some Trippy Shit (And Also Maybe The Key to Business AND World Peace?) When You're Running Around Like a Frizzy-Haired, Obessive-Compulsive Psychopath How to Sell a $250,000 Diamond Ring Making Money is Not as Hard as Most People Make It To Have a Routine or Not to Have a Routine: That is the (Worst, Most Annoying, Head-Pounding) Business Question When You're Scrappy, You Don't Give a Sh*t How to Make a Hard Decision (Without Convulsing, Crying or Going Crazy) Entrepreneurs: When your life is fantastic and fucked up, all at once. Moron Shoes With Holes In Them: What Makes Somebody Buy Something...Or Not? SWEATY ARMPIT ALERT: 67% of the people that were about to give you money...don't. DROP THE FLOWERS RIGHT THERE: Six Original Mother's Day Gifts for Moms Who Are Business Owners What You Are Selling is Never as Important as THE REASON SOMEONE IS BUYING IT Ass-Scratching Business Conundrum: Is It Worth It to Go Out of Your Way...Or Not? The Internet Has Boundary Issues, and People Are Assholes. So What? Remember When Life Was Easy? BECAUSE APPARENTLY I DON'T. Overalls and Ball Games, Twelve Packs & Venison: Overcoming an Economic Depression with Dignity Two Gorgeous Ways of Saying NO in Business...Without Throwing Cheeseburgers at People's Heads One word might be costing you thousands of dollars. What is it? This Bastard Was Getting Paid $10,000 a Month. You're always going to have fifty million things to do—PLUS that asshole's bar mitzvah. The Smell of Desperation Starting a Business Isn't for Weak People, Shitty People, Irresponsible People, Undisciplined People, Stupid People, Forgetful People, Lazy People, Irrational People, Impatient People, or People Who Blame Everything on Obama. How to Stop Hating Your Email (Before You Slice Your Own Wrists) Cowardly Business Owners: An Epidemic? A Story for the Downtrodden, Destitute, Distressed & Despaired Hey, Business Owners! Please Note. You Cannot Outsource Your Bowel Movements. You Can't Sell Tickets to The Titanic if You're Marketing it as a Rowboat Clear vs Clever Copywriting is a Big, Fat, Bloated Myth (And a Scapegoat for Subpar Writers) There Are Much More Interesting Things You Can Be Doing With Your Time Besides Answering Some Nitwit's Email Business Lacking Direction? Start With the Money. Repeat After Me: You Are Not Your Buyer Feeling lazy? Unmotivated? BLEH? Open Up, Sweetheart. Here's Some Medicine. 21 Last Minute Gift Ideas (That Aren't a Freaking Yankee Candle) For Busy Business Owners WHO FORGOT TO SHOP. Million Things To Do? Prioritize by ROI. (And Then Get a Life.) Running a Holiday Sale? Memorize This by Heart. The Top 20 Most Original Gift Ideas for That Fucking Writer You Know (No, Not a Moleskine) How to Say No To Your Clients Without Being a Bitch Creativity Zapped? Try This Madman Trick. No, I Don’t Want To Do You Any Favors. Your Attention Span Is Less Than That of a Bloody GOLDFISH (And So Is Your Customer's) Hurling Macbooks, Clubbing Pet Hamsters & Other Sunday Pleasantries 23 Phrases Every Stressed Out, Strung Out, Well-Meaning (Yet Irritable) Business Owner Needs to Memorize TODAY. So, People Suck at Talking to Each Other You Can Always Make More Money, But You Can Never Make More Principle. I Believe in Stomach Ulcers The Way Most People Believe in God When You're Having Buckets of Sh*t Dumped On You Left & Right If you're both killer & poet, YOU GET RICH. Lewd Life Lessons from 2011 (Hey, That Rhymed.) The Short, Slightly Sarcastic Answer to (At Least Eleven) Things You've Always Wanted to Know About Selling Yourself. Featuring: A Strong Opinion. Just The Tip: Potty Train Your Inbox INTOXICATE 2012: DAY THREE: On Selling Pineapples + Other Worthwhile Ventures How to Get on the Phone With a Client and Deliver a Stutter-Free Pitch Like a Goddamn PRO. If You're Not Dangerous, Get Out. 36 Signs You're an Internet Dick Writing a Book? What if HOW You Tell the Story is More Important Than The Story Itself? INTOXICATE 2012: DAY TWO: WHERE WE TALK ABOUT VAGINAS, DEATH + DUMPSTERS How to Be the Most Confident Person At The Table Are You Running a Business...Or Running Yourself Into the Ground? Tweet When You're Dead A Lot of People Don't Like Selling Because It Makes Them Feel Like Assholes Anytime You Question Yourself, Promise Yourself Better Answers. Aw, shucks. Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it? Adultery Saturdays: 25 New Words You Didn’t Know You’ve Been Missing–Until NOW Dear Friends: I Work From Home. (And Yes, It's a Real Job.) If A Tree Falls In A Forest, Does Anyone Actually Give A Single, Flying Fuck? Adultery Saturdays: Earn Your Sleep Plan on Being Successful Adultery Saturdays: You're Not A Haphazard Has-Been No, I Don't Want to Be in Your Tribe. Adultery Saturdays: What Happens When You Take An Actual, Physical Leap Creating One Hell of an Offer – Stage One of Product Development What To Do When You Hire Them And...They Suck. Explicit Permission To Finally Exhale 25 Sure-Fire Ways To NOT Get The Job Doing the Hard Thing is Still Easier Than Living With a Cheap, Knockoff Version of Yourself 10 Reasons Business Partners Can Be a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Idea. Adultery Saturdays: How To Get Out Of Your Rut–With STYLE (And Wine) Rules Of This Website. Adultery Saturdays: Ask For What You Want New! Saturday ADULTERY Column: Because You Can’t Have It All. Adultery Saturdays: The 10 (False) Commandments of Adulthood Adultery Saturdays: The Top 10 Ways To Handle The Holidays Adultery Saturdays: The 75 (Curious) Steps Of Writing A Blog Post Is It Annoying to Buy From You? 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A Scenario You Should Pay Attention To Sales Tip of The Year: Don't Masturbate. I Want You. Now. Opportunity: Get PAID to Quit Your Job, Sell Your Stuff + Move to Paradise (For real.) How to Fuck Up a Sale in 27 Minutes Flat (But Still Score a Date) The Day The Cash Register Became Obsolete (WTF?) $100,222.37 (Yes, That Is the Title of This Post.) (Also: Fake Russian Accents Are Ridiculous.) How to Sell More This Year, Featuring Pier One Imports + Hot Dogs. Yeah, Hot Dogs. Lewd(ER) Life Lessons From 2011. To Be Read With a Fake Italian Accent. Your Panties Are In a Bunch. And It's Preventing You From Making Money. List Your Prices (THE RIGHT WAY) (Calling All Photographers.) (Hedgehogs Welcome, Too.) Why You SHOULD Sweat the Small Stuff. (Free Puma Included.) Pssssssssssssssssssst. Definitive Guide to Jump-Starting Your Biz LAUNCHING + TMFproject 2.0 Commences. Andale, baby! Key to Money-Makin' Bliss: Don't Just Sell Your Stuff. STRUT Your Stuff. Seduce Me And I'm Yours. Your Customer, That Is. LAUNCH: Clients + Cash and One Hell of a Party That You Can’t Miss Doors Now Open – Clients + Cash! The Gap Between Intention + Success. Your Mission: Ride 'Er Buck Wild Male Prostitutes and Product Launches. Sort of Related. But Not Really. The Stupidest Marketing Advice EVER--Exposed Like a Naked Baby I don't have a good title for this shit, but it'll help you get clients. Rah. Rah. It's Okay If You Suck At This. Otherwise Called, "Permission to Suck." Otherwise Called, "Longest Blog Post Title Ever Because Obnoxiously Long Blog Post Titles Are Funny." If You're Not Doing This, You're Leaving Money On The Table Top 9 Ways to Deal With Business Overwhelm (So You Can Avoid Thoughts of Mass Murder) Cut The Fat. Say No to Mullets, Drink More Vodka, Sing Loudly + Run The Damn Show How I Lost $33,000 and Became a Money Asshole. Yes, Boobs Are Involved. How Dating Chilean Men Can Help You Succeed In Business. Kind of. And Why Bloody Noses Are Not Okay, Which Is Not Related to The Story At All, But You Should Read About It, Anyway. Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless? Ditch The Blankie, Grab A Set of Balls + Get Your Life Back on Track Big Balls, Going to Hell + Other Serious Business Matters You Can’t Afford to Not Read How to Get Clear on Your Target Market--And Never Have to Hunt for Your Next Gig Again How The Fine Art of Turkey Calling Can Score You More Clients + Customers Get More Clients + Customers: The One Step You Absolutely, Under No Circumstance, Aren't Allowed to Skip. Rahr. How to Get More Clients and Stop Sucking at Business. And at Baseball. Maybe. The One They Don't Tell You About Working Online. Bad Words Included. Shh. When You Feel Like You Could Collapse + A Personal Favor Paris, Wankers + Marketing for Local Business Owners Pay What You Can Sale – GUTS! Birthday Lovin’ Over Hurrrrr. JUMP START VIDEO ARCHIVE A Meditation on Being a Jackass Take Off Your Skirt + Do the Work, Sissy. Or It’ll Eat You Alive. (VIDEO) Being Fat, Getting Robbed + Some Shit You Won't Want to Miss How to Hit Rock Bottom + Come Back a Business Owner (Without Breaking a Nail. Or Going Insane. Or Resorting to Prostitution. Mostly.) How to Get More Clients Than You Can Handle + Get the Contract Every Time (Without Resorting to Scumbaginism.) Why Seeking A Meaningful Career Is Bad Advice Why Lifestyle Design Is Like Working at McDonald’s – And Why It’s a Good Thing When Being Professional Is Harmful Wanna Make $10,137.62 This Month? Let’s Do It The Flawed Cycle of Success That Could Be Causing You To Fail Tales of a Terrified Lifestyle Designer Perhaps The Preamble Should Read: We, The Robots. (Prove That You Aren’t, And Win $100) One Big, Fat Mistake To Avoid On Your Path To Awesomeness On Authority: The Blogosphere/Real World Divide Leaping, Diving & Plunging Head First Into Humanity Give Me Liberty, Or Give Me Death – Fate Versus Choices Fear, Exposed – Featuring Tricia Karp Fear, Exposed – Featuring Nina Yau Fear, Exposed – Featuring Matt Koenig Fear, Exposed – Featuring Kelly Gurnett (AKA Cordelia) Fear, Exposed – Featuring Heather Mamatey Fear, Exposed – Featuring Cara Stein Fear, Exposed – Featuring Avril David Big, Steaming Piles of Cash + Joy (And How to Get Both) : VIDEO with Catherine Caine 33 MORE Tell-Tale Signs You’re a Closet Lifestyle Designer – PART II 24 HOURS ONLY – Pimp Your Website for Less Than You Spent On Your Mom On Her Birthday You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts: TABLE OF CONTENTS Want to Make $97,000 This Year As a Blogger + Digital Entrepreneur? Let’s Do It, Baby. No, Not THAT. Affiliates To Create The Life You Want, Passion Is Not Enough THE NO-DRINKING CHALLENGE, or Why I’m Going To Be Bitter This Month Shop Services for Entrepreneurs Forleo + Roeder Sexxed Up Rendition – Move Bitch Fear, Exposed – Featuring Jeffrey Luke Being Logical vs Being Rational–And Why The Difference Matters 25 Ways the F-word Can Help Your Business THRIVE A Non-Cheesy Approach to Trusting Yourself More + Sucking Less If You Had One Shot...Would You Capture It, Or Let It Slip? Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar Part II: The X-Rated Guide to Doing Everything Wrong, and Still Getting It Right The X-Rated Guide to Developing a Marketing Plan. Without Losing Your Mind. Or Your Shirt. Cuz That'd Be Awkward. The Definitive, Step-By-Step Guide to Getting Off Your Butt, Finding Some Focus, And Jump-Starting Your Biz...So You Can Stop Feeling Like an Procrastinating Asshole (And Start Making Some Cashola) Fear, Not - Fear, Exposed Will Be Back. 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Fear, Exposed – Featuring Caroline McGraw Fear, Exposed – Featuring Rich DeMatteo If Ya Business Isn’t Personal, Ya Don’t Have a Business. Capiche? (VIDEO) Making Money As an Act of Philanthrophy Dirty Confessions of an Entrepreneur: What I Never Told You The Secret to Client Attraction - Grey Goose Vodka, Baby. Blow Dryers, Mobile Homes + When to Shut Your Fucking Macbook, Already Fear, Not - Fear, Exposed Will Be Back. (Says the Series In Its Best Arnold Impersonation) The Definitive, Step-By-Step Guide to Getting Off Your Butt, Finding Some Focus, And Jump-Starting Your Biz...So You Can Stop Feeling Like an Procrastinating Asshole (And Start Making Some Cashola) The X-Rated Guide to Developing a Marketing Plan. Without Losing Your Mind. Or Your Shirt. Cuz That'd Be Awkward. Part II: The X-Rated Guide to Doing Everything Wrong, and Still Getting It Right Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar If You Had One Shot...Would You Capture It, Or Let It Slip? A Non-Cheesy Approach to Trusting Yourself More + Sucking Less 25 Ways the F-word Can Help Your Business THRIVE Being Logical vs Being Rational–And Why The Difference Matters Fear, Exposed – Featuring Jeffrey Luke Forleo + Roeder Sexxed Up Rendition – Move Bitch Services for Entrepreneurs Shop THE NO-DRINKING CHALLENGE, or Why I’m Going To Be Bitter This Month To Create The Life You Want, Passion Is Not Enough Affiliates Want to Make $97,000 This Year As a Blogger + Digital Entrepreneur? Let’s Do It, Baby. No, Not THAT. You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts: TABLE OF CONTENTS 24 HOURS ONLY – Pimp Your Website for Less Than You Spent On Your Mom On Her Birthday 33 MORE Tell-Tale Signs You’re a Closet Lifestyle Designer – PART II Big, Steaming Piles of Cash + Joy (And How to Get Both) : VIDEO with Catherine Caine Fear, Exposed – Featuring Avril David Fear, Exposed – Featuring Cara Stein Fear, Exposed – Featuring Heather Mamatey Fear, Exposed – Featuring Kelly Gurnett (AKA Cordelia) Fear, Exposed – Featuring Matt Koenig Fear, Exposed – Featuring Nina Yau Fear, Exposed – Featuring Tricia Karp Give Me Liberty, Or Give Me Death – Fate Versus Choices Leaping, Diving & Plunging Head First Into Humanity On Authority: The Blogosphere/Real World Divide One Big, Fat Mistake To Avoid On Your Path To Awesomeness Perhaps The Preamble Should Read: We, The Robots. (Prove That You Aren’t, And Win $100) Tales of a Terrified Lifestyle Designer The Flawed Cycle of Success That Could Be Causing You To Fail Wanna Make $10,137.62 This Month? Let’s Do It When Being Professional Is Harmful Why Lifestyle Design Is Like Working at McDonald’s – And Why It’s a Good Thing Why Seeking A Meaningful Career Is Bad Advice How to Get More Clients Than You Can Handle + Get the Contract Every Time (Without Resorting to Scumbaginism.) How to Hit Rock Bottom + Come Back a Business Owner (Without Breaking a Nail. Or Going Insane. Or Resorting to Prostitution. Mostly.) Being Fat, Getting Robbed + Some Shit You Won't Want to Miss Take Off Your Skirt + Do the Work, Sissy. Or It’ll Eat You Alive. (VIDEO) A Meditation on Being a Jackass JUMP START VIDEO ARCHIVE Pay What You Can Sale – GUTS! Birthday Lovin’ Over Hurrrrr. Paris, Wankers + Marketing for Local Business Owners When You Feel Like You Could Collapse + A Personal Favor The One They Don't Tell You About Working Online. Bad Words Included. Shh. How to Get More Clients and Stop Sucking at Business. And at Baseball. Maybe. Get More Clients + Customers: The One Step You Absolutely, Under No Circumstance, Aren't Allowed to Skip. Rahr. How The Fine Art of Turkey Calling Can Score You More Clients + Customers How to Get Clear on Your Target Market--And Never Have to Hunt for Your Next Gig Again Big Balls, Going to Hell + Other Serious Business Matters You Can’t Afford to Not Read Ditch The Blankie, Grab A Set of Balls + Get Your Life Back on Track Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless? How Dating Chilean Men Can Help You Succeed In Business. Kind of. And Why Bloody Noses Are Not Okay, Which Is Not Related to The Story At All, But You Should Read About It, Anyway. How I Lost $33,000 and Became a Money Asshole. Yes, Boobs Are Involved. Say No to Mullets, Drink More Vodka, Sing Loudly + Run The Damn Show Cut The Fat. Top 9 Ways to Deal With Business Overwhelm (So You Can Avoid Thoughts of Mass Murder) If You're Not Doing This, You're Leaving Money On The Table It's Okay If You Suck At This. Otherwise Called, "Permission to Suck." Otherwise Called, "Longest Blog Post Title Ever Because Obnoxiously Long Blog Post Titles Are Funny." I don't have a good title for this shit, but it'll help you get clients. Rah. Rah. The Stupidest Marketing Advice EVER--Exposed Like a Naked Baby Male Prostitutes and Product Launches. Sort of Related. But Not Really. The Gap Between Intention + Success. Your Mission: Ride 'Er Buck Wild Doors Now Open – Clients + Cash! LAUNCH: Clients + Cash and One Hell of a Party That You Can’t Miss Seduce Me And I'm Yours. Your Customer, That Is. Fear, Exposed – Featuring Illana Burk Resolutions Are For Chumps. I Choose Revolution. Fear, Exposed – Featuring Susan Finch Do What You Love (And Get Paid for It): The Missing Link Top 20 Reasons Why Travelers Have More Fun During the Holidays Your Art is Not Frivolous—It's Money Begging to Be Made You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts – NOW AVAILABLE! Are you in? Fear, Exposed – Featuring A Girl I Know. Me. The Greatest Human Tragedy of All: Us, Right Now Fear, Exposed – Featuring Danny Mannina The 67 Emotions of Unconventional Success Why I’d Rather Be a Mexican Immigrant Than a Corporate CEO VIDEO-Introducing TMFproject’s OPERATION: GET EXCITED Don’t Make Me Say Staycation Become a Corporate Drone in 30 Days or Less: Step-By-Step Instructions on How to Stop Thinking for Yourself, Kiss Ass Like a Pro & Wear Black Like a Champ Still Waiting for that Promotion? Learn How to Put Your Career & Life Back Into Your Own Hands, Once & For All Fear, Exposed – Featuring Jenny Foss The Woman Whose Ass We All Should Be Kissing Fear, Exposed – Featuring Claudia Peralta You (Still) Don't Need a Job. Meaningless Sex & Lifestyle Design: Sorry, Cutie, Last Night Didn’t Really Matter Lifestyle Design: The New Arch Enemy of Dry Cleaners Everywhere (And Possibly Your Mom, Too) Fear, Exposed – Featuring Polly Davies Fear, Exposed – Featuring Amy Bowman 25 Ways to Become An American Overnight (Without a Visa) You Don't Need a Job - You Need Guts A Beautiful Mess: A Personal Manifesto of The Human Experience There's a Problem With Settling for Less Than You Want: You Weren't Built for That A Conversation With An Immigrant on U.S. Life Does Risk Really Equal Reward? Only If You Redefine "Risk" Defiance or Defeat? You Pick. Beating, Stomping and Otherwise Assassinating The Voice In Your Head That Says "You Can't." Violently. Slugs, Angel Hair Pasta & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life How to Deal When the World Collapses Right On Your Face On NOT "Following Your Dreams" Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They're Ruining Your Life) The Real Value of Travel (Come Sneak Away to the Beaches of Costa Rica, If You Dare) Is It Your Own Fault? When Being in Control is a Disservice Do You Have The Guts to Be Creative? Why Rule Breakers Run the World Life Isn't As Serious As We Make It Out To Be How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World) Introducing the World's Newest Form of Religion The Surefire Way to Save Yourself from Mediocrity (That You Already Know, But Don't Do) Why We're All A Little Crazy: Uncertainty, Flower Petals, Shimmery Gold Dresses & A Personal Story The Lost Art of Quitting Get Your Own Picket Fence (Or Don't) : A Note on Relationships 2 Minute Guide to Reclaiming Your Life Shattering the Current Model of Reality Top 25 Signs You Need to Make a Change, Gain Self-Respect and/or Say No To Busch Light White Men Can't Jump, But They've Got Other Tricks Up Their Sleeves: The (Unearned) Privilege of Being White Why Circles Are Better Than Lines U.S. Concept of Time & Why It's Preventing You From Finding Your Passions Dream Zappers Part II: Why They Zap, Squash & Belittle Your Aspirations Hula Hoop Contest 2010! The Flip Side of Unconventional What Life Gets To Keep In Return: On Making Big Decisions Live Alive, Not Just a Life: Guidelines for Rebelling Against "Reality" How Societal Ideals Conflict With Societal Goals All Wants Are Not Created Equal Surprise Yacht Party, And You're Invited. (Bring Your Dancing Shoes) Your Language Is Holding You Hostage (And Why I'll Be Flying Obama's Private Jet As A Result) Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand? Red High Heels, Slaughtered Pigs & Why Being Unsure Is A Good Thing Tired of Having A Neverending To-Do List? Use It To Your Advantage Is Lifestyle Design A Manifestation of Perfectionism In Disguise? A Self-Reflection You're Not Drunk, But Your Vision Is Still Blurred - One Reason Why Religion, Marriage & Even Education Sucks Fear, Exposed – Featuring Jenna Tros If You're Wrinkly, It Better Have Been Worth It. The One Thing That Can (And Will) Mess Up Your Life...If You Let It Rebellion is Sexy: One Really Big Reason Why You Should Do It Now The Smart Ass Guide to Dealing With Dream Zappers (Guest Post @ Free Pursuits) Dealt a bad hand in life? Learn How to Snub Your Circumstances & End Up With a Royal Flush 33 Tell-Tale Signs You're a Closet Lifestyle Designer