How to Stop Forcing Sh*t

Maybe in order to figure out what you really *do* want to do with your career—for once! for all!—we should stop thinking about all of the possibilities, and start thinking about the impossibilities.

What things feel impossible for you to do anymore, at this stage of your life?

I’m not talking about going to dinner at 9pm. That’s for people who still have hope.

I’m talking about the things you’ve learned about yourself, over a lifetime of learnings, what you absolutely hate doing. We need to honor those things. Worship those things. The things you hate need to be held in the highest regard—even though it is your tendency to want to dismiss them, ignore them, try to overcome them, blame yourself for not being able to “just do them, already.”

You aren’t defective because you don’t like something.

You are wise because you know you don’t like something.

Think about that reframe, eh? 🪄

• 😞 I hate doing this, I suck.
• ❌ That thing sucks, it does not suit my preferences.

One of them assumes that you are weak. The other assumes you are discerning.

✨ ✨ ✨ “It does not suit my preferences.” ✨ ✨ ✨

That gives Queen of England energy. Helen Mirren in 1923 energy. French art critic energy. Southern grandma in pearls energy.

Memorize this line. It’s important for your confidence. It reminds you that you are allowed to have preferences. That your taste, decision-making, and feelings are sound.

“It does not suit my preferences” reminds us that we are in control. That perhaps the world should try harder to please us, rather than the other way around.

If you are avoidant of certain things—talking to crowds of people / making videos online / selling yourself on webinars / scheduling a calendar full of meetings—it’s not because you are a limp little flea.

It’s because:

YOU DON’T FUCKING LIKE THOSE THINGS.

THOSE THINGS DO NOT SUIT YOUR PREFERENCES.

AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WASTE YOUR TIME DOING THINGS THAT BETRAY YOUR STRENGTHS.

Something I had to learn about myself?

❌ A calendar packed full of meetings does not suit my preferences

❌ Coaching involving heavy hand-holding does not suit my preferences (but consulting does)

❌ Client engagements without clear start / finish dates does not suit my preferences

❌ Writing in the afternoons, rather than in the morning, does not suit my preferences

❌ Interviewing people over the phone does not suit my preferences

❌ Projects that have no emotional payoff do not suit my preferences

These are just a few examples. Knowing these things has helped me *design* my career, rather than guilt myself for not being able to fit into a pre-packaged mold of one.

So, back to square one.

What things feel impossible for you to do anymore, at this stage of your life? This is your roadmap back to your personal preferences—now that you are discerning. 👑

The things that feel impossible for you aren’t signs of weakness, these are directives. They are direct orders from your inner compass telling you that you don’t belong there—which, contrary to popular discourse, is a good thing. Everyone’s always trying so hard to belong. Wherever they go, they want to belong. You know what’s better than that?

To be so dazzlingly self-assured, people scramble to try to belong around you.

There is a difference in the way you carry yourself.

To be so anchored that it makes you light. Charismatic without trying. Charming without calculation. Easy to be around, because you're not trying to be anything at all.

In other words, ease.

📸 Ease is not needing a “personal brand” to know who you are.

🧠 Ease is trusting that your ideas are good, even when they’re not fully formed.

📣 Ease is voicing your opinion without scanning the room for approval.

🧾 Ease is not just accepting your quirks, but billing for them.

🌱 And—ease is not the absence of effort, it’s the absence of resistance.

Ease is not laziness. Ease is not giving up. Ease is the mind’s quiet way of saying, "Yes. Here. This fits. And I’m doubling down on what I know I’m GREAT at."

Ease is a form of alignment.

It’s what happens when you stop forcing things—and start following the truth of your own taste.

That’s not quitting.

That’s crowning yourself.

So, instead of trying to figure out what you could do with your career, why not start from a place of what you absolutely can’t?

Not because you aren’t capable, but because you simply aren’t interested anymore.