If Your Website Looks Like You Smeared a Bunch of Leftover Chili Meat on the Screen—You (Probably) Need This

It's SO embarrassing when someone stops by and you've got 4 different paint colors slobbered all over the wall, a stack of boxes piling up in the corner, dishes in the sink, and a half-eaten box of chicken nuggets sitting on the counter.

(No one was supposed to see you eat those.)

My mother would have never been caught dead in in that situation, loafing around the house in sweats with a greasy, day-old ponytail. She was the kind of woman that kept a loaf of Italian bread in the freezer at all times "in case you need to serve a sandwich!"

In case I need to serve a sandwich?

If you show up unannounced, the last thing I am doing is giving you a sandwich. A paint roller, maybe. Or the ol' slip.

Anyway, it IS still embarrassing when you're caught standing naked in your kitchen with leftover chili on your chin. One of life's great metaphors, indeed. When they said "take it on the chin," they meant "take some meat and smear it on your chin." Might as well. If you don't, the government will do it for you. 🫠

ANYWAYYYYY—

We definitely have "unexpected guest" shame when it comes to our living spaces, but, in a strange twist of human events, we don't seem to have as much "unexpected guest" shame when it comes to our digital homes, AKA our websites.

Because, holy bourbon-infused bottle of red wine: IT IS VERY EASY TO HAVE A VERY BAD WEBSITE.

❌ Outdated theme with alternating stock photos
❌ Three thousand years to load a page
❌ Weird, creepy "took this in a basement while high" headshot
❌ A copyright from 2015
❌ Vague copy with lofty, saccharine-filled promises
❌ No compelling reason to opt-in
❌ Zero social proof or credibility cues
❌ A blog that is now considered an antique
❌ A shop filled with old services and products that nobody buys anymore
❌ No real sense that anyone's—knock knock—alive around here
❌ And, basically a placeholder for your new direction, which you will figure out someday, once you make it through your "meat-stained chin" era. 🍝 (We've all been there.)

Alas. While it is very easy to have a bad website?

Now, it is ALSO very easy to have a smashing website.

So, it's fall. 🍂🎃☕️

It's the perfect time to get your (digital) house in order.

I've got two options for you:

• Option A: Come take my new class this October and completely renovate your website with me! 🤓 We'll make it modern, fresh, relevant, and new.
• Option B: Just kidding, there is no Option B. WASN'T THAT FUN?

Let's get you a brand-new set of digital skills AND a legit, totally beautiful (functional as hell) new website.

You will use these skills every single day of your life.

And your website will generate more business for you every single day of your life.

And then we shall wipe the chili off our chins.

Finally commit to a damn paint color.

Unstack the boxes.

Pull back the curtains.

Dust off the fine china.

And welcome anyone who dares to stop by.

...so long as there's a loaf of Italian bread in the freezer, that is.