As of late, I’ve been borderline inappropriately obsessed with making portmanteaus, a super fancy term that basically means cramming two words together to create an entirely new combo word and definition. (They’re all over the place. Bootylicious, à la Destiny’s Child? Booty + delicious. Brainiac? Brain + maniac. Broseidon: King of the Brocean? Bro + Poseidon and bro + ocean.)

With that? BEHOLD.

The 25 New Words You Didn’t Know You’ve Been Missing

In alphabetical order, for your convenience.

(Disclaimer: While you won’t find these words in the official 2014 Merriam-Webster dictionary, you should know that I’m actively resisting calling this a dicktionary and snickering until the cows come home turn up as steak in my dinner.)

Absolucrative [ab·so·lu·cra·tive] adjective.

Definition: Used to describe a new business venture that will, undoubtedly, be absolutely lucrative.

Example: “An iPhone for babies?! That’s absolucrative!”

Alabastard [al·a·bas·tard] adjective.

Definition: When you fall in love with someone who has perfect fair skin like a damn white swan, only to find out they’re actually a bastard.

Example: “His blue eyes and pressed Polo were so charming, but after he slept with my best friend on my birthday, I realized he’s actually an alabastard.”

Aller-Oh-G’s [al·ler·oh·g's] noun.

Definition: The original gangsters of having the sniffles.

Example: At parties, they’re all, “Bitches, please. I had hay fever before that shiz was cool.”

Attackle [at·tack·le] verb.

Definition: The act of attacking someone via tackle.

Example: “If I ever encounter Joseph Gordon Levitt in person, I’m going to attackle him, and then lick his face in a way that is both charming and super casual.”

Bubblebathstrophe [bub·ble baths·tro·phe] noun.

Definition: An occurrence when catastrophe strikes in the bubble bath.

Example: “We tried to have a romantic night in, but the soap was aggressively effervescent and it was a total bubblebathstrophe.”

Cakeophony [cake·oph·o·ny] noun.

Definition: The guttural, offended noise you make the moment after you run out of cake.

Example: “I went to fork in another mouthful of red velvet right as Juan Paublo was giving out his last rose on The Bachelor, only to discover that the cake was gone! I totally let out a cakeophony.”

Cashtrate [cash·trate] verb.

Definition: When all your cash is mercilessly taken away.

Example: “I just finished my Independent Contractor taxes, and the IRS is cashtrating me.”

Chinfiltration [chin·fil·tra·tion] noun.

Definition: The moment when someone tries to snap a group selfie, and you look at the photo to find that only your chin has made it into the frame.

Example: The person who looks the best in the picture will say things like, “Awhhh! We all look sooooo cute. I love it!” And you’ll be like, “Also. My chin.”

Grainwashed [grain·wash·ed] verb; past tense.

Definition: When you’ve convinced yourself that you can be one of those women in prescription ads who runs along beaches waving around a ribbon and also has a puppy if only you give up grains and gluten.

Example: “Last night, I found her rocking in a corner, clutching a donut and sobbing. I think she’s been grainwashed.”

Ginebreation [gin·e·bri·a·tion] noun.

Definition: That lovely situation that occurs when you’re drunk off gin, and gin alone.

Example: A text you send your friends might read, “Hye ou guys, I lrve gin dna i m soooo ginebriated.”

Grindigenous [grin·dig·e·nous] adjective.

Definition: A location where grins are BORN.

Example: “You guys, Taco Bell is the most grindigenous place on earth.”

Gropeful [grope·ful] adjective.

Definition: When someone is hopeful that groping will occur.

Example: “Yeah, I’m going out with Alex today. I’m really gropeful. I’m even wearing my best push-up bra.”

Grungeulating [grun·ge·u·late] verb; present participle. 

Definition: When you’re undulating against someone on a dance floor in clothing that pays homage to 90′s grunge.

Example: “Man, those singers from Ace of Base are really getting down. They’re like the masters of grungeulating.”

Indognity [in·dog·ni·ty] noun.

Definition: When a dog suffers an indignity.

Example: “My puggle, Brutus, lost his V-card to a panda stuffed animal. OH, THE INDOGNITY.”

Kickasserole [kick·ass·er·ole] noun.

Definition: When you bake a casserole that kicks an impressive amount of ass.

Example: “Wow, Aunt Judy! These green beans sure made one helluva kickasserole!” (Note: Leave It To Beaver style wholesome smiles not included.)

Naushits [nau·shits] noun.

Definition: When you’re so sick that stuff is shooting out of both ends, likely thanks to the flu or food poisoning.

Example: “Dude, I totally shouldn’t have eaten that sushi that was left in my car overnight. I totally have the naushits.”

Pumpkinfestation [pump·kin·fes·ta·tion] noun.

Definition: That time of year when everything seems to be infested with pumpkin scent and/or flavoring. See also: The months of September, October, November, and December.

Example: “I’m just drinking my pumpkin spice latte while eating a pumpkin spice Pop Tart and basking in the glow of my pumpkin spice candle and rubbing in pumpkin spice lotion and living in my PUMPKIN SPICE HOUSE. IT’S A PUMPKINFESTATION. SEND HELP.”

Resoflutely [res·o·flute·ly] adverb.

Definition: When you resolutely complete an action, but punctuate your assertiveness with the charming notes from a flute to lesson the dramatic tension of the moment.

Example: “FINE! I WILL RESOFLUTELY STOP SLASHING YOUR TIRES. *insert charming notes from a flute*”

Sequinfection [se·quin·fec·tion] noun.

Definition: Similar to pumpkinfestation (n.), this occurs when you purchase a sequined item that somehow leaves glitter everywhere.

Example: “I just sneezed and my snot came away sparkly. I’m pretty sure I have a sequinfection.”

Smassionate [smas·sion·ate] adjective.

Definition: When you’re so passionate that you smash things in the heat of the moment.

Example: “I mean, she might have broken my great grandmother’s china after I told her about that night in Atlantic City, but it’s okay because she’s just so smassionate.”

Smoothievery [smoo·thiev·er·y] noun.

Definition: When some asshole tries to steal your peanut butter and banana smoothie.

Example: “Look, you guys. This is the one day a week I don’t have to sneak kale into my breakfast, and there will be NO SMOOTHIEVERY HAPPENING, understand?”

Unicorny [u·ni·corn·y] adjective.

Definition: An incredibly cheesy jokes regarding the subject matter of unicorns.

Example: “Hey, I have a unicorny joke. What does a unicorn call its dad? POP CORN!”

Vaginuptials [va·gi·nup·tials] plural noun.

Definition: Vows written specifically for a lover’s girly bits.

Example: “When I read her my vaginuptials, she shed a tear of joy.”

Vitaminimalist [vi·ta·min·i·mal·ist] noun.

Definition: Someone who doesn’t believe in taking daily multivitamins.

Example: “Susan only licks half a B vitamin every other day. She’s a vitaminimalist.”

Wienertia [wie·ner·tia] noun.

Definition: Because a wiener in motion stays in motion. See also: The rules of inertia.

Example: “He started doing that weird propeller thing with his junk, and it just kept swinging around. It was the first time I’ve seen wienertia first-hand.”

And on THAT lovely note, what other portmanteaus/word crammings do you know and love? PLEASE, for the love of Pete, share them with me in the comments so we can CELEGRATE TOGETHER! (Celegrate: Celebrating every momentous occasion by grating some cheese, because CHEESE, you guys.)

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