HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MISSION STATEMENTS. (Really?)

The other day I saw a Twitter bio that said something to the effect of:

We craft effective solutions for your design needs.

And I wanted to kill myself. Like, just up and off myself on the spot. This old-school, “mission statement-esque” language has no place in a modern context.

Effective is already the expectation.
Solutions are why everyone’s in business.
And what are my “needs,” anyway?

You’re talking but you’re saying nothing.

We need you to be human.

Don’t tell us your mission statement—stand up and make one.