Pom poms is actually a stupid word and I regret putting that in the title.

Then again, I’m unconventional–as Erika described me in this month’s Entrepreneur Magazine (did you see it?)–so, really, anything goes.

That said, I should stop rambling and, instead, jump up and down on the pretend stage that is my bed, 80′s rocker style, with a blaringly obnoxious megaphone to announce that:

THE TMFPROJECT SELF-STUDY COPYWRITING WORKSHOP IS NOW AVAILABLE!

To which I have two things to say:

1. If you’re thinking “Oh great, another fucking e-course on the internet,” I hear you so hard. As a former college Linguistics instructor at Penn State, Drexel and St. Joe’s in Philadelphia, even the word e-course annoys me. Fortunately, this is not one of them. This, rather, is something I like to call exactly-what-you-need-to-do straight talk from the trenches, for anyone who wants to cut through the noise, and boost their sales with their writing. Period.

2. No innocent sombreros were harmed in the making of these screencasts, lectures, cliff notes + discussions.

And speaking of unconventional, my teaching style is a bit of that, too. In the workshop lectures you’ll hear me say things like:

I never want to see a sentence that goes, “Here at X company, we specialize in blah blah blah.” Fuck off. Nobody cares.

Because headlines are whores, and they weasel their way into everything you write.

Let’s say you come into my store, and I greet you with a big ass black Hefty trash bag over my head, with some eye holes. What’s your reaction going to be? = BAD.
 You don’t want to do business with a crazy motherfucker wearing a black hefty trashbag on their head. EVEN IF YOU LOVE LOVE LOVE THE SHOES. You would still walk out. Business on the internet is NO DIFFERENT. Particularly if you’re a solopreneur, if you try to hide yourself, it’s the equivalent of coming at someone with a trash bag on your head. It’s fishy. And my ass is clicking off your website.

And you’ll learn things like:

What to do when your voice sounds–sigh with me–manufactured

The top 7 things that will add style + flair to your writing—so you stop boring your prospects, readers and customers to death, and start getting them engaged.

The single, most important difference between good writing and brilliant writing

How to avoid sounding like a salesy asshole—while still selling like a motherfucker. (For 5 easy payments of $99, you can have this one-of-a-kind steam boiler!)

Why you need to be sleeping with every single one of your clients

The fatal mistake most business owners make with their copy, and how the hell to avoid it (Hint: There might be turkeys involved. Scratch that. There definitely is.)

How Christmas shopping for your mother can help you write the perfect copy—once and for all

Why the age, gender, income and hair color of your target audience DOES NOT MATTER. And why you need to ignore it while writing copy

…and a lot more that’s listed over on the official workshop page.

If you want to learn how to blowtorch your sales (in a good way) with your writing…

Click here to read more about the workshop.

Alternatively, if you want to eat your Cheerios in peace…

…here’s that swanky Entrepreneur article I mentioned, in the December 2012 issue. Big thanks to Erika for putting this together! (And if you don’t know who Erika is, you’re about to soon.)

Onward with an open mind to see what this copywriting workshop is all about!

Click here.

(Go over there. There’s really fun testimonials from past students, too, that sort of make me blush–and sort of make me feel like a Russian cowboy.)

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