Adultery Saturdays: The Final Answers To 20 Burning (WTF) Questions
Rhetorical, shmetorical. We’ve got this shit on lock.
1. Which came first: the chicken, or the egg?
The chicken and the egg came simultaneously. The chicken laid the magically fertilized egg, kept it warm, and when the little egg hatched, the mom chicken and baby chicken became really close friends who exchanged scathingly witty dialogue in the small Connecticut town of Stars Hollow before Rory left and went to college. (Oh, wait. That’s the plot to Gilmore Girls. My bad.)
2. Why do we say tuna fish, but not crow bird or bear mammal?
Because tuna fish are pretentious assholes who like to feel distinguished, and bear mammal sounds ridiculous.
3. If a tree falls in a forest, and there’s no one around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
Yes. Obviously. Just because no one’s around doesn’t mean that the forest warps into some weird parallel universe where huge chunks of wood crashing into the ground don’t make any noise. Also, Katniss is probably in that forest, so no tree will ever go unheard ever again.
4. How do you fit a square peg into a round hole?
Make sure the square peg is really tiny, and the round hole is really big. BLAMO.
5. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where is the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Probably at his house. Peter Piper wasn’t just going around, buying pecks of pickled peppers and throwing them on the ground or giving them as gifts. He wasn’t a pickled pepper baron, buying the peppers and handing ‘em out like candy. He probably just needed to add some flavor to his old-timey stew.
6. If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?
Probably, but that’s because I’m easily influenced and love a good adrenaline high.
7. Is the sky actually the limit?
Definitely not. There’s all sorts of planets and space shit beyond the sky.
8. Do blondes really have more fun?
I mean, they seem to always be laughing in commercials, so…yes. The final answer is yes.
9. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
So, woodchucks don’t actually “chuck” or throw wood, but they do chew on it, so let’s pretend that “chuck” and “chew” mean the same thing in this instance, okay? And according to this study, woodchucks chuck about 361.9237001 cubic centimeters of wood per day, per woodchuck.
10. Can you actually paint with all the colors of the wind, à la Pocahantas?
Yes! Assuming you’re on LSD.
11. If oranges are called oranges, why aren’t bananas called yellows?
Actually, the word orange comes from the the Tamil words aru meaning six, and anju, meaning five. Since oranges usually have 11 little pieces inside, when you cut them in half, there are six pieces in one half and five in the other. The color was probably named after the fruit, so yellow should really be called banana.
Also, the English language is WHACK.
12. Do April showers bring May flowers?
Yes, and also allergies, because science.
13. Who let the dogs out?
I did. Just this morning, actually, because they were whining at the door and I didn’t want them to poop on my new duvet…again.
14. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To make people stop asking this stupid fucking question.
15. Is gullible really written on the ceiling?
I promise you, it isn’t. Don’t check and see if it’s there, because then everyone will laugh at your expense and you’ll have to comfort yourself by eating a meatball Hot Pocket in the bath.
16. How much is that doggy in the window?
I mean, at least $350 since pet stores are so expensive. Try going through a rescue, instead!
17. If there are A batteries, and C batteries, why aren’t there B batteries?
(Don’t worry. This one totally puzzled Ash and I for many moons.) But the answer? There actually used to be B batteries, but they’re just not usually sold anymore since they tend to be the same size and volts as most A batteries. (CASE CLOSED.)
18. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
On average, over 800 licks. Just bite that son of a bitch, and save yourself the trouble, (and bloody tongue wounds.)
19. When the someone knock-knocks, who’s there?
Dwayne. Dwayne who?, you might ask. DWAYNE THE BATHTUB! I’M DWOWNING!
Kidding–I can’t type and drown at the same time, you guys.
20. How many seashells did Sally sell by the sea shore?
Probably zero, because the business model is terrible. Why on earth would you try and sell something on the beach that people can literally pick up off the ground for free? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, SALLY.
What other WTF curiosities are you dying to know the answer to? Tell me in the comments! Let’s solve ALL the world’s questions right the hell now.
Jessica Manuszak
Jess is a rebel with a cause, (and also lots of cardigans), who maniacally fled from college with a few degrees in creative writing tucked securely under her right arm. After sprinting away from corporate America so fast you'd think her ass was ablaze with a fire perfect for roasting s'mores, she spends her time mainlining gin-soaked olives, jumping into rivers with extreme reckless abandon, and sleeping with the lights on after marathoning shows about ghosts. As the creative strategist, lead project manager, and writer of Adultery here at TMF, she's a horse of a different color, (which mostly makes her want to knock on a huge wooden door and insist on seeing the wizard).
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