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Hey. Hey you. -

Yeah, you with the lack of clients and the brain working on overdrive, constantly thinking, “I NEED MORE CLIENTS! CAN!…SOMEONE!…SOMEHOW!… SEND!…ME!…MORE!…CLIENTS!…BEFORE!…I!…AM!…FORCED!…INTO!…HOMELESS!…NESS!?!?! (pretty please with a motherfucking apricot on top?)

It’s what you’re thinking to yourself every waking minute of every waking day, as you spiral into a mad(wo)man panic attack, wondering if this is going to be the month where you won’t be able to pay your bills, and this is going to be the month when you’re finally going to have tell Big Rick down at the local strip joint that–fine–you’ll take the Tuesday night shift.

Note: Big Rick prefers black lace.

Howevah.

You mustn’t despair.

Because, as luck would have it, I happen to have a top-secret trick for getting more clients. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

You ready?

This is pretty wild; you should probably sit down.

Sitting?

Good.

The top-secret trick for getting more clients is…stop trying to get more clients.

That’s right. You heard me. Stop trying to get more clients, and instead…

GO OUT THERE + TAKE ‘EM.

What’s that you say? That wasn’t entirely clear? You have no idea what I’m talking about, or how to put that into action? Could I be more specific?

Why certainly. I’d be delighted.

You see, I was being interviewed by the fantastic, sensational, oh-so-heavenly-British Matthew Kimberley the other day, on how I got my first client ever, which happened on one balmy summer afternoon back in 2006.

And when recounting the story, I realized that I didn’t get my first client at all, which implies a certain passivity, which is what most of us are sitting on our asses dreaming about–just having clients fall into our lap like magicsauce.

But oddly enough, as it turns out, the world doesn’t work like that.

When was the last time you really wanted a new pair of red high heels, or a fancyschmancy new Phillies jersey (obviously your preference, gentlemen), and then just sat there hoping it would just show up at your doorstep?

Um, probably never. Unless you ordered that shit online. Dammit, that was a bad example.

Okay, wait, I have a better one that’s far more vulgar, and clearly since I have a reputation to uphold around here, I’ll include it: When was the last time you wanted to get laid, and then just sat on your couch waiting for someone who is up to your standards, to just ring your doorbell? (Ah ha! Can’t order that shit online. Or…wait….can you?) (If you actually know the answer to that, get off my blog, sicko.)

Unless you’re  one of those “nice” people who doesn’t do things like sex, you wouldn’t just sit on your couch. You’d make yourself look relatively human, and get out there and start preying on potential victims. Clearly.

So, *stands up, smooths out skirt, takes deep breath*

IF YOU WOULDN’T JUST SIT ON YOUR COUCH WAITING FOR HEELS, JERSEYS OR ATTRACTIVE MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX TO JUST MAGICALLY APPEAR IN YOUR LAP, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU EVER WITH CLIENTS?

*exhales and smiles politely, trying to pretend that she didn’t just talk about getting laid in a post about getting clients*

There are plenty of clients out there waiting to give you their money. Plenty. Trust me. (Don’t ever listen to anyone that says, “Trust Me.” Except in this case.)

But.

One of three things is happening that’s preventing them:

1) They might not know about you, and the fact that you’re the bombdizzle.

2) They might not recognize the need for your product or service.

3) Even if they do have a need, they don’t categorize it as a want, and the WANTS always, always win over actual NEEDS. The budget makes room for the WANTS. You get hired because of a WANT. Your piggy bank grows because of a WANT. Your mom gets the cashmere sweater for Christmas, instead of the polyester, because of a WANT. Clearly, wants are good.

But, this means that you’ve got three very real obstacles that you’ve got to overcome in order to make the sale. And unfortunately, most freelancers only focus on accomplishing number one – making themselves known. But it goes much farther than that, darling – it’s not enough to make yourself known. You’ve got to show a company not only why they need your product/service, but you’ve also got to do something to make them FEEL a real desire for it.

And, guess what? None of that ever happens passively. You’ve got to get out there and WORK FOR YOUR BUSINESS. You don’t just get clients – you go out and TAKE ‘em.

If you don’t want to do the work, don’t bother being a freelancing entrepreneur, cuz this is about hustle. Especially in the beginning.

But, the best way to get more clients is not just through hustle. It’s though a little something I like to call The Creative Hustle. Somebody trademark that shit for me, will ya?

The Creative Hustle is what I do anytime I want a new client, and 93.82394 percent of the time (what? I’m good at math), I’m successful. The Creative Hustle is a way to not only make yourself known, but also help prospective clients want what you have to offer – even if they don’t need it!

In order to get my first client ever, I applied some Creative Hustle. I had a contact at a big software company in Philadelphia, and after making the initial connection, she had expressed some interest in opening up a dialogue about my doing the copywriting for their new website. But, after that initial interest, I waited…and I waited…and I waited…and didn’t ever hear from her. So I called. And I called. And I called. And I still didn’t hear from her.

Not one to readily accept defeat, I decided to try a more creative approach.

After some thought, I went to the mall and purchased a mini treasure chest with a lock. I then went out and got a big ass box, placed the locked treasure chest inside of it, and included a note that read: “If you want to know what’s inside, call me.”

And then I sent it to her.

And guess who called me the very next morning?

When she did, I told her that there was actually nothing inside the chest at all, but that I had accomplished my goal in getting her to call, and that I’d love to buy her lunch. And of course, she accepted, and the rest is history.

And that was a nice idea that was effective. However, if I were to do that today, I’d do it a bit differently.

I would have sent the treasure chest in the morning, with a note saying that the key would be arriving that afternoon. If she didn’t immediately trash it, thinking it was a bomb, I’d be in luck.

Then, I’d send the key in the afternoon, with a note saying, “Enjoy!”

Then, once she opened it, I would have had two CDs inside–one would be a disc full of her favorite music, which I would have found out by stalking her on Twitter and/or Facebook and/or Google (or a similar, thoughtful gift based on whatever her interests were), and then the other would be a disc of my big, fat face on video, where I would have introduced myself + outlined some specific, personalized suggestions on ways that I could help her + her business kick ass, and also would have edited it to include some humor and be something fun to watch.

In this way, I’m not only making myself known, but, if we’re a match (which we clearly would be, which is why I wanted to work with her in the first place), then she’d instantly want to work with me…and would find a way to make it happen. In doing so, you practically eliminate all competition because, really, who the hell else is sending them fucking treasure chests full of goodies, and putting in the time + effort to court them so creatively?

Exactly.

BOOM. CONTRACT.

And even if she wasn’t ready, rest assured that every time she popped in that CD, she’d think of me, and then when she was ready? It would hum to the tune of: Hi, Ashcakes, we want you to do the writing for us! Maybe she wouldn’t actually call me Ashcakes, but for the record, I’d be totally fine with it.

And you know what else? The really, really, really, really awesome fringe benefit?

Not only do you get the contract, but…you also induce some mad word of mouth marketing sizzle. Because you better believe that Ms. Prospect is going to tell everyone she knows about what you did – and the way you did it. And then they’re going to think of the story the next time anyone they know mentions that they need your product or service. And your phone’s gonna be ringing off the hook, yo.

Can I get a major cha-ching?

The Creative Hustle. It’s good business, baby.

Not that creative yourself? Hang tight. A little later, I’ll be releasing some super sleek + helpful products on getting clients, charging what you’re worth, and some other goodies, all chock full of creative ideas + suggestions that you can totally steal.

But…first, I’ve got to wrap up the free resource I promised you on jump-starting your biz (coming super soon! I’m working on some video!), and then we’ll segue into some other fun stuff to help you MAKE THE DOLLAH DOLLAH BILLS and not have to ever, ever go see Big Rick.

Though, you should still keep the black lace suggestion in mind, because, I mean, that’s just a really fucking good suggestion.

The Middle Finger Project–Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

Totally going to start ending my blog posts this way.

Watch me.

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Tags: freelancing, how to get more clients, how to win the contract, scumbaginism, Twizzlers make mouths happy