This Lesson About Friendship Will Help You Sell Way, Way More 🚀

Okay so it’s Friday and I’M GETTING PIZZA TONIGHT. 🍕

That’s because if you know me, you know that I get pizza on Friday nights. Doesn’t matter what country I’m in. Doesn’t matter which pizza place. There are hot melted cheesy sins going into my mouth.

Now, if you’re close to me, you know this is a fact about me. You also probably know that I couldn’t give a shooting star about muffins and cakes and candies and cookies. It’s a salt & cheese world 🧀 🧂 🥨 🥖 ALL THE WAY TO MY TWISTED LITTLE HYPERTENSION GRAVE.

(Give me olive oil and bread, or give me nothing!!!!)

Which got me thinking.

Here’s a super fun little game.

Let’s play it, shall we? 🎲

Think of the person you know BEST in the whole, entire world.

• They’re on their deathbed. Is their last dying dish a slice of pizza or a slice of cake??? (Don’t @ me with that cake nonsense. 💅🏻)
• They have to give an award at work. Are they freaking out about speaking in public, or totally cool with it?
• Their steak is undercooked. Do they tells the server their order is wrong or silently eats it with resentment?
• They’re flying to Paris for a week. Do they check their luggage or carry on?
• They’re buying real estate. Do they read every term & condition or sign without blinking?
• It’s St. Patty’s Day. Would they rather host the party or just bring chips and Irish goodbye?
• Someone is being publicly humiliated. Do they step in or mind their own business?
• They’re giving to a GoFund me campaign. Do they do it anonymously or list their name and amount?
• They text saying they’re running 5 minutes late. Are they actually running 5 minutes late, or 20?
• They witness their friend’s husband making out with another woman. Do they tell the friend, or keep it mum?

If you can answer 8 out of 10 of these for your best friend, congrats—you know how to market to them. 🥸

That’s all marketing is: knowing what someone wants.

…And then positioning your product accordingly.

Which is all to say!

1. It is really frickin’ easy to market to your best friend
2. It is really frickin’ hard to market to a stranger

Most marketing problems aren’t marketing problems.

They’re friendship problems.

You’re trying to sell cheese to someone who is allergic to cheese. (Clearly not me.)

Because you aren’t good enough friends.

You know how when you take those courses and there’s always a target market section? And you always gloss right the fuck over it?

That’s because it’s one of those things that just seems sooooooooo philosophical. Pie-in-the-sky, not tangible, lots of hypotheticals, let’s get to the good stuff.

What the course should actually say is this:

Pick ONE person.
And make them your best friend.
And then make the perfect product for THEM.
And don’t give a hoot about anyone else.
Because this is how.
You will learn.
How to make things.
People actually want.

Otherwise, what’s your aim? You’ve got your weird aunt in the back of your mind, telling you that you should make it more practical for the moms, and your old boss in your other ear saying “Don’t forget about the B2B angle,” and suddenly you’re building a product for a mythical, mashed-up Frankenstein audience that doesn’t even exist.

The work isn’t about broadening your appeal.
It’s about deepening your understanding.
It’s about mind reading.

And you can’t read someone’s mind unless you actually know them. Like, deeply. Intimately. Know-what’s-in-their-tote-bag-and-how-they-react-to-an-inconvenience level knowing.

That’s where the good stuff is.
That’s where “target market” stops being theoretical and starts being wildly profitable.

(Ahem, this is also why local newsletters are SO much easier to market than regular newsletters: you know exactly who your neighbors are. You can make the perfect product for them.)

So I thought, you know what would be fun?

A big-ass list of insightful questions that you can ask yourself about your new best friend.

Your ONE customer.

Your ONE customer that is your new best friend.

Your ONE customer you are going to make this for.

Your ONE customer who is going to be so delighted that you made this for them, they’re going to happily pay you the money you’re asking.

Each question has a note about why it actually matters, and what decisions it’ll help you make. (Which is really why this exercise counts.) For example:

Decides in five seconds or five months?
Why this matters: Funnel length.
☐ Snap decision maker
☐ Spreadsheet procrastinator
Notes: _______________________

Or this one:

Always has five tabs open, or 53?
Why this matters: Attention span. Tells you how to design content and UX.
☐ Tab minimalist
☐ Digital chaos demon
Notes: _______________________

Or this one:

Joins the group text or lurks forever?
Why this matters: Community builder vs quiet observer. Impacts how you create group-based offers.
☐ Meme lord
☐ Seen at 7:23pm
Notes: _______________________

Or this one:

Would they rather host the party or show up late with chips?
Why this matters: Leader vs supporter. Great for positioning your product’s role in their life.
☐ Social ringleader
☐ Chips & ghosting
Notes: _______________________

Fun, right?!

Hint: The “why this matters” is the real insight here. It’ll prompt you to think through any decisions you make in your business, and which ones are the RIGHT ones. Finally, no more waffling back and forth! *SIGHS WITH RELIEF* *KICKS OFF SHOES*

Okay!

Here are 100 psychographic questions that will help you figure out how to better position your work…you know, for your new best friend. ;)

…The only person that matters.

(Except for the person making my pizza tonight.)

#cheesesins

🔮 100 Weirdly Specific Questions That’ll Make You a Mind-Reading Marketing Wizard

Demographics are dead. Long live the girl who only buys things she saw in a TikTok haul at 2am while eating shredded cheese out of the bag.

100 questions to help you:

• Reverse-engineer your ideal customer’s personality like a CIA profiler with a mood board
• Figure out how they shop, scroll, stress, and splurge
• Know what really makes them click (spoiler: it’s never “authenticity” 🙄)
• Build marketing that feels like mind-reading, not guesswork

Instructions: Think of your PERFECT customer, AKA your new best friend. Now answer the following like you’re trying to win $10,000 on Family Feud. Go with your gut, and don’t take it too seriously—this is marketing, not a root canal.

***

1. Silent yoga retreat or tequila-fueled girls’ trip to Cabo?
Why this matters: How they recharge = how you sell rest, pleasure, or control.
☐ Silent yoga
☐ Cabo chaos
Notes: _______________________

2. Would they start a podcast or just complain about other people’s?
Why this matters: Creator vs consumer mentality. Big for status, software, and education products.
☐ Start it
☐ Hate-listen every week
Notes: _______________________

3. Which triggers them more: messy inbox or messy kitchen?
Why this matters: Which kind of chaos they’re wired to solve first: mental or spatial?
☐ Inbox rage
☐ Dishes of doom
Notes: _______________________

4. More likely to binge skincare or throw $300 at HomeGoods?
Why this matters: Splurge psychology. Tells you where they allow “fun” in their budget.
☐ Skincare connoisseur
☐ Accidental interior decorator
Notes: _______________________

5. Do they buy because of the brand or the vibe?
Why this matters: Helps you understand if they’re loyalists or aesthetic chasers.
☐ Name-dropper
☐ Color palette addict
Notes: _______________________

6. Do they hand over the wallet or fight the mugger?
Why this matters: Risk tolerance. Helpful for pricing strategy and decision-making framing.
☐ Fight Club
☐ Here, take my Nordstrom card
Notes: _______________________

7. Always has five tabs open, or 53?
Why this matters: Attention span. Tells you how to design content and UX.
☐ Tab minimalist
☐ Digital chaos demon
Notes: _______________________

8. Gym rat or gentle stretch and a matcha?
Why this matters: Self-image and identity cues. Wellness sells better when it matches their energy.
☐ Protein shakes & pain
☐ Meditative noodling
Notes: _______________________

9. Rewatches the same show or tries something new every week?
Why this matters: Comfort vs novelty. Important for retention vs launch strategy.
☐ Emotional support reruns
☐ Serial explorer
Notes: _______________________

10. Joins the group text or lurks forever?
Why this matters: Community builder vs quiet observer. Impacts how you create group-based offers.
☐ Meme lord
☐ Seen at 7:23pm
Notes: _______________________

11. Would they rather host the party or show up late with chips?
Why this matters: Leader vs supporter. Great for positioning your product’s role in their life.
☐ Social ringleader
☐ Chips & ghosting
Notes: _______________________

12. What stresses them out more: their phone dying or forgetting deodorant?
Why this matters: What discomfort they can and cannot tolerate.
☐ No battery = panic
☐ No deodorant = meltdown
Notes: _______________________

13. Paper planner or 5 apps and still no clue what they’re doing?
Why this matters: Systems mindset vs chaos-friendly.
☐ Paper forever
☐ Digital spaghetti
Notes: _______________________

14. Tells the waiter it’s wrong or silently suffers?
Why this matters: Confidence, confrontation tolerance, and people-pleasing levels.
☐ Excuse me, this isn’t right
☐ It’s fine (it’s not fine)
Notes: _______________________

15. Gets off on planning or vibes their way through life?
Why this matters: Marketing funnels or magical chaos—pick your poison.
☐ Spreadsheet sorcery
☐ Manifestation and vibes
Notes: _______________________

16. Are they triggered more by unwashed hair or cluttered countertops?
Why this matters: What they can ignore = what you should not try to sell them on.
☐ Hair horror
☐ Countertop clutter panic
Notes: _______________________

17. Would they proudly tattoo your brand on their body?
Why this matters: Brand love scale. If yes, you better be building a cult.
☐ Ride or die
☐ Calm down, it’s just a product
Notes: _______________________

18. Pinterest board for everything or lives in organized chaos?
Why this matters: Future visioning vs survival mode.
☐ Pinning their fantasy life
☐ Realism rules
Notes: _______________________

19. Buys gifts months in advance or panic shops 3 hours before the party?
Why this matters: Planning horizon.
☐ Advanced elf
☐ Gift bag from the gas station
Notes: _______________________

20. What’s in their tote bag?
Why this matters: Identity in object form.
Write it out: _________________________________________

21. Carries emotional baggage or actual tote bags?
Why this matters: Shows whether you’re speaking to someone self-aware or still deep in denial.
☐ Emotional wreck chic
☐ Designer tote collector
Notes: _______________________

22. Shops from a wishlist or buys when the void says “now”?
Why this matters: Impulse vs planned shopper.
☐ The List Is Sacred
☐ The Void Commands
Notes: _______________________

23. More afraid of public speaking or accidentally hitting “reply all”?
Why this matters: Social fear triggers help with trust-building in messaging.
☐ Mic fright
☐ Inbox shame spiral
Notes: _______________________

24. Would rather lose their phone for a day or their dignity at karaoke?
Why this matters: Tech dependency vs public embarrassment threshold.
☐ Phone separation anxiety
☐ Karaoke crash-and-burn
Notes: _______________________

25. Plans outfits or wears “whatever isn’t in the laundry”?
Why this matters: Detail orientation and mental load.
☐ Style strategist
☐ Laundry roulette
Notes: _______________________

26. Meal preps or flirts with DoorDash daily?
Why this matters: Discipline vs convenience craving.
☐ Meal prep wizard
☐ Takeout temptress
Notes: _______________________

27. More likely to start a side hustle or start a cult?
Why this matters: Ambition vs leadership energy. (Also, hilarious.)
☐ Hustle mode
☐ Charismatic chaos
Notes: _______________________

28. Their toxic trait: always late or always correcting people?
Why this matters: Reveals social dynamics + how they like to be perceived.
☐ Time traveler
☐ Grammar police
Notes: _______________________

29. Would rather get a root canal or ask for a refund?
Why this matters: Pain avoidance vs confrontation.
☐ Drill me
☐ Refund confrontation
Notes: _______________________

30. More offended by a lack of Wi-Fi or lack of charcuterie?
Why this matters: Prioritization of comfort vs function.
☐ Give me signal
☐ Where’s the brie?!
Notes: _______________________

31. Thinks therapy is essential or kinda woo-woo?
Why this matters: Emotional fluency affects brand tone.
☐ Therapy is church
☐ Shrink who?
Notes: _______________________

32. Uses bookmarks or leaves 42 tabs open and prays?
Why this matters: Organization = power user vs chaos magic user.
☐ Digital librarian
☐ Tab gremlin
Notes: _______________________

33. Would rather build IKEA furniture or burn it for warmth?
Why this matters: DIY vs done-for-you preference.
☐ Allen wrench hero
☐ Burn it down
Notes: _______________________

34. Goes to Target for toothpaste, leaves with $400 of “vibes”?
Why this matters: Impulse purchase radar.
☐ Gets what’s needed
☐ Vibe victim
Notes: _______________________

35. “Just one more episode” or “in bed by 9” person?
Why this matters: Self-discipline or lack thereof.
☐ Responsible sleeper
☐ Midnight binge addict
Notes: _______________________

36. Deletes social media or doomscrolls till 2am?
Why this matters: Digital habits = content strategy clues.
☐ Detox queen
☐ Eternal scroller
Notes: _______________________

37. Spreadsheet on vacation or forgets to pack underwear?
Why this matters: Detail vs vibes approach.
☐ Itinerary icon
☐ Chaos coordinator
Notes: _______________________

38. Gets dressed for Zoom or full goblin mode?
Why this matters: Remote identity tells you how they show up.
☐ Business on top
☐ Feral below frame
Notes: _______________________

39. Lives for “add to cart” or “wait for it to go on sale”?
Why this matters: Urgency triggers for pricing strategy.
☐ Take my money
☐ I’ll wait
Notes: _______________________

40. Netflix recs or Rotten Tomatoes reviews?
Why this matters: Who they trust.
☐ Friend’s pick
☐ Critics only
Notes: _______________________

41. Self-identifies as “cozy” or “chaotic neutral”?
Why this matters: Self-image helps shape brand tone.
☐ Cozy life
☐ Chaos life
Notes: _______________________

42. Bake sale or parking lot volunteer?
Why this matters: Social roles = responsibility vs support.
☐ Frosts the cupcakes
☐ Directs the traffic
Notes: _______________________

43. Spends more on coffee or candles?
Why this matters: Everyday luxury vs environmental comfort.
☐ Java junkie
☐ Aroma curator
Notes: _______________________

44. Keeps birthday cards or throws them out immediately?
Why this matters: Sentimental value judgment.
☐ Card hoarder
☐ No time for paper
Notes: _______________________

45. Owns a label maker or lives in a pile of vibes?
Why this matters: Order vs creativity leanings.
☐ Organize me daddy
☐ It’s all in there somewhere
Notes: _______________________

46. Buys a planner or just accepts their fate?
Why this matters: Hope vs chaos acceptance.
☐ Fresh start energy
☐ Chaos goblin
Notes: _______________________

47. Rage-cleans or rage-buys?
Why this matters: Stress coping shows where to sell comfort.
☐ Cleans aggressively
☐ Clicks aggressively
Notes: _______________________

48. Would rather try new tech or throw it out the window?
Why this matters: Innovation tolerance.
☐ Early adopter
☐ Tech tantrum
Notes: _______________________

49. Signs up for the free trial and forgets to cancel or sets a reminder?
Why this matters: Responsibility + impulse prediction.
☐ Financial awareness
☐ Whoops, charged again
Notes: _______________________

50. Treats shopping as therapy or punishment?
Why this matters: Emotional relationship to consumption.
☐ Retail heals
☐ Capitalist guilt spiral
Notes: _______________________

51. Buys the thing right away or adds it to a cart that dies of old age?
Why this matters: Impulse vs deliberation. Dictates urgency, scarcity, and abandoned cart strategy.
☐ Immediate buyer
☐ Cart ghoster
Notes: _______________________

52. Believes in manifestation or believes in LinkedIn?
Why this matters: Magical thinking vs corporate realism—very different sales pages.
☐ Crystals and vibes
☐ Network and hustle
Notes: _______________________

53. Buys experiences or stuff?
Why this matters: What they value affects product framing.
☐ Give me memories
☐ Give me boxes
Notes: _______________________

54. Prefers surprises or meticulously tracks shipping?
Why this matters: Predictability preferences impact fulfillment messaging.
☐ Surprise me!
☐ Where is it??
Notes: _______________________

55. Scrolls Amazon for fun or avoids it like jury duty?
Why this matters: Shopping attitude = friction or fun.
☐ Amazon addict
☐ Task-avoidant
Notes: _______________________

56. Calls customer service or rage tweets?
Why this matters: Conflict resolution style helps prep your support team.
☐ Hello, is this a manager?
☐ Viral meltdown
Notes: _______________________

57. Loves niche newsletters or deletes them all?
Why this matters: Tells you whether email is your goldmine or ghost town.
☐ Subscribe me, daddy
☐ Inbox incinerator
Notes: _______________________

58. Fills out feedback forms or vanishes forever?
Why this matters: Engagement and responsiveness clues.
☐ Survey sweetheart
☐ Quiet quitter
Notes: _______________________

59. Buys for the founder story or the features?
Why this matters: Emotional vs practical decision-making.
☐ Tell me a tale
☐ Just the specs
Notes: _______________________

60. Capsule wardrobe or closet chaos?
Why this matters: Simplicity vs maximalist mindset.
☐ Streamlined queen
☐ Pants party
Notes: _______________________

61. Drawn to aspirational branding or relatable mess energy?
Why this matters: Which identity they want to embody.
☐ That girl
☐ Real girl
Notes: _______________________

62. Watches the video or reads the transcript?
Why this matters: Format preference = content design strategy.
☐ Hit play
☐ Just gimme text
Notes: _______________________

63. Clicks Instagram ads or rolls their eyes?
Why this matters: Ad targeting warmth.
☐ Swipe-up sucker
☐ Ad-resistant queen
Notes: _______________________

64. Uses Pinterest for dreaming or planning?
Why this matters: Vision boarding vs action taking.
☐ Moodboard escape
☐ Blueprint builder
Notes: _______________________

65. Eats at the same restaurant weekly or always tries the new spot?
Why this matters: Routine vs novelty lovers.
☐ Regular order royalty
☐ Trend taster
Notes: _______________________

66. Buys books or listens to them at 2x speed?
Why this matters: Time budget + consumption style.
☐ Page flipper
☐ Speed listener
Notes: _______________________

67. Has a skincare routine or just vibes it?
Why this matters: Level of self-investment and habit.
☐ Ritualistic radiance
☐ Whatever’s nearby
Notes: _______________________

68. Shops local or lives for 2-day shipping?
Why this matters: Convenience vs values-based buyer.
☐ Main Street loyalist
☐ Prime goblin
Notes: _______________________

69. Still uses Facebook or pretends it doesn't exist?
Why this matters: Platform targeting 101.
☐ Aunt energy
☐ FB who?
Notes: _______________________

70. Loyalty program lifer or rage unsubscriber?
Why this matters: Retention strategy vibes.
☐ Points queen
☐ Bye forever
Notes: _______________________

71. Price-conscious or prestige-driven?
Why this matters: Value perception.
☐ Budget baller
☐ Fancy flex
Notes: _______________________

72. Reads the FAQ or emails you without looking?
Why this matters: Support load and self-sufficiency.
☐ FAQ first
☐ Help me, human
Notes: _______________________

73. Pays in full or Afterpays everything?
Why this matters: Affordability psychology.
☐ One-and-done
☐ Installment icon
Notes: _______________________

74. Needs testimonials or trusts their gut?
Why this matters: Social proof effectiveness.
☐ Show me the stars
☐ I decide alone
Notes: _______________________

75. Viral on main or secretly has a finsta?
Why this matters: Visibility comfort.
☐ Public darling
☐ Anonymous chaos
Notes: _______________________

76. Simple packaging or maximalist unboxing?
Why this matters: Brand aesthetic tone.
☐ Minimalist muse
☐ Surprise me, clown-style
Notes: _______________________

77. Subscribes to everything or steals your Netflix login?
Why this matters: Ownership vs access psychology.
☐ Subscription girly
☐ Password bandit
Notes: _______________________

78. Snoozes six times or up at dawn?
Why this matters: Energy and timing.
☐ Snooze goblin
☐ Morning warrior
Notes: _______________________

79. Uses Apple Notes or bullet journals?
Why this matters: Analog vs digital preference.
☐ Taps it out
☐ Writes it down
Notes: _______________________

80. Gets motivated by goals or guilt?
Why this matters: Messaging tone—empowering vs urgent.
☐ Vision-driven
☐ Shame-powered
Notes: _______________________

81. Buys workout gear to work out or for the airport?
Why this matters: Aspiration vs lifestyle reality.
☐ Fit and committed
☐ Athleisure goddess
Notes: _______________________

82. Loyal to brands or vibes?
Why this matters: Retention vs novelty targeting.
☐ Brand bestie
☐ New look who dis
Notes: _______________________

83. Loves pop-ups or gets stabby when interrupted?
Why this matters: Sales timing.
☐ Pop-up princess
☐ Do not disturb
Notes: _______________________

84. Astrology nerd or MBTI loyalist?
Why this matters: Self-identification style.
☐ Cosmic witch
☐ INTJ realist
Notes: _______________________

85. Cleans the house or organizes the closet first?
Why this matters: Task type preference.
☐ Vacuum victory
☐ Closet chaos conqueror
Notes: _______________________

86. Reads the instructions or wings it?
Why this matters: Ease-of-use indicators.
☐ Step-by-step slayer
☐ Figure-it-out fairy
Notes: _______________________

87. To-do list addict or avoidant artist?
Why this matters: Productivity psychology.
☐ List junkie
☐ Panic procrastinator
Notes: _______________________

88. Loves meetings or wants them to die in a fire?
Why this matters: Collaboration style.
☐ Let’s Zoom
☐ Just Slack me
Notes: _______________________

89. Lives by Google Calendar or chaos energy?
Why this matters: Scheduling control freak or freedom soul.
☐ Time-blocking wizard
☐ Let the wind decide
Notes: _______________________

90. Needs a discount or pays full price like a badass?
Why this matters: Deal dependence.
☐ Promo code hunter
☐ Just charge me
Notes: _______________________

91. Wants a handwritten note or a juicy coupon?
Why this matters: Relational vs transactional loyalty.
☐ Sentimental babe
☐ Show me the savings
Notes: _______________________

92. Shops on desktop or mobile?
Why this matters: UX priority.
☐ Laptop shopper
☐ Thumb tapper
Notes: _______________________

93. Loves data or needs stories?
Why this matters: Logical vs emotional persuasion.
☐ Numbers don’t lie
☐ Tell me a tale
Notes: _______________________

94. Retreat junkie or online course binger?
Why this matters: In-person vs digital product preference.
☐ Fly me out
☐ Homebody forever
Notes: _______________________

95. Decides in five seconds or five months?
Why this matters: Funnel length.
☐ Snap decision maker
☐ Spreadsheet procrastinator
Notes: _______________________

96. Would rather hire a coach or buy a book?
Why this matters: DIY vs done-with-you vibe.
☐ Give me help
☐ I’ll figure it out
Notes: _______________________

97. Text or email preferred?
Why this matters: Best channel to reach them.
☐ Text me
☐ Inbox me
Notes: _______________________

98. Buys because it looks cool or because it solves something?
Why this matters: Aesthetic vs utility driver.
☐ That’s cute
☐ That’s useful
Notes: _______________________

99. Thinks of your product as a treat or a tool?
Why this matters: Value positioning.
☐ Little indulgence
☐ Gimme efficiency
Notes: _______________________

100. Would they rather be seen as smart or stylish?
Why this matters: Self-identity core drive.
☐ Brainy babe
☐ It girl
Notes: _______________________

***

Yay!

I hope this helps you really feel it deep in your cheese-eating little bones that marketing is soooo much easier when you know who you’re marketing to—like, intimately. 🫶

So intimately, you could plan them the perfect vacation, right down to their airport snack, hotel aesthetic, and whether they want a sunrise hike or to get blackout drunk in a pool float shaped like a flamingo.

Because when you really know someone, you don’t have to guess what they’ll love.

You just give it to them.
Wrapped in language they use.
With timing that makes sense.
And a vibe that screams, “Holy shit, were you inside my brain?”

That’s not manipulation.
That’s not sleazy.
That’s just being a good friend—with a killer offer. 🖤