Fear, Exposed – Featuring Tammy Strobel

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Writer.

Rebel.

Visionary.

Change-Maker.

Ultimate Minimalist.

Tammy Strobel.

Magnificent.

This week on Fear, Exposed, I invited Tammy to come share some of the fears & struggles she’s dealt with on her path to a life of simplicity–get ready for some raw honesty.  If you don’t already know her, Tammy is another dynamite who writes over at Rowdy Kittens, a well-known blog dedicated to examining our choices regarding life & work, specifically related to downsizing, entrepreneurship, & life without a car.

She’s a pure inspiration. (Did you see that incredible tattoo?)

Now–Ms. Strobel in the HOUSE.

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“WOW, Tammy you look great! You’ve lost so much weight!”

I looked down feeling a little self conscious and said: “Thanks Dad. Even my friends say I look so much better now.”

In my head, I was thinking: “What is he talking about? I’ve been lying in bed for the last two weeks with the flu. How can I possibly look good? And does my weight really matter that much? I thought I looked okay? I don’t get it.”

This small, yet significant conversation took place when I was about twelve.

And that’s when fear set in. I was afraid that I didn’t look good enough because my Dad always said “I was a big girl for my age.” And I knew something had to change.

Yet, the change I made wasn’t healthy.

I started obsessing about the food I ate, tried fad diets, constantly scanned fashion magazines, and by the time I was thirteen I was battling bulimia. I thought if I lost enough weight that I would be loved. That maybe my Dad wouldn’t be so mean and that my peers might approve of me. I didn’t make the connection at the time, but years later I realized friends, family, and society placed a huge value on how I looked. And there is something deeply wrong with that idea.

Now I want to be clear: I didn’t develop an eating disorder because of one comment or as a result of negative images in fashion magazines. There were a lot of things going on in my life at that time. I’m not going to disclose all those details.

However, when I asked for help my therapist told me that young women who suffer from serious traumas generally develop eating disorders and that our society places a huge value on how people look. So for people like me, who struggled with a sense of control, it was easy to control the types of food I ate.

I wasted a lot of my time and energy constantly worrying about what I looked like. Even typing this makes me feel teary eyed. I think back and worry about my thirteen year old self. She was beautiful, but the messages she received from friends, family, and society kept telling her she wasn’t thin enough or smart enough to succeed. And that message scares the hell out of me.

No wonder we all feel a little crazy. The standard cultural messages we hear everyday tell us we’re not good enough, not thin enough, and we should really go buy more stuff if we want to be happy.

Give the middle finger to destructive cultural messages! We aren’t drones, we’re unique humans. All of us want to be loved and accepted. So rather than buying into the status quo (which is a fear based model), I think it’s essential to educate yourself. Read. Ask questions. Take classes. Open your mind to new ideas and try to think critically.

I don’t have a magic bullet that will help you get over your fears. But I can tell you what has helped me:

1. Get help. If fear is crippling you, get help. We all have fears to deal with and it’s essential to talk about those fears. So go to a counselor! He or she may enlighten your life.

2. Take one small step everyday. On RowdyKittens, I talk a lot about the power of small steps. For example, I’m currently scared that my book proposal sucks and that no publisher in their right mind will buy it. But I keep writing. I have to make a few changes to my sample chapter and then I’ll be done. I could let fear paralyze me and stop writing. But that’s not going to happen.

3. Start rewiring your brain and stop with the negative self talk. It is possible to rewire your brain. To learn how, read Buddha’s Brain. I’m in the process of re-reading the book because it had so much depth and so many tools to offer.

4. Practice non-judgment. Don’t judge yourself or others. If you notice yourself making those judgments (e.g. “I’m not thin enough or smart enough to do that”), take notice and ask yourself why. Any kind of judgment has it’s route in fear.

5. Know your trigger points and ask questions. It wasn’t until I got to college, that I started to question why I was so obsessed with being “thin.” A combination of classes, reading, and therapy truly helped me change my mindset. I still struggle with body image issues, but I’m healthy. And to stay healthy, I avoid trigger points, which include: mean people, fashion magazines, and diet books.

Fear will never go away. It just changes shape and shifts to different areas of our lives or projects. The key is to acknowledge and keep moving forward. We are all incredibly privileged and have a lot of power to do good in the world.

So let’s start by being kind to ourselves and others.

Stop being fearful and do something!

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If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

• Argentina + An 11 Year Old Boy + Greatest Business Asset of All
• Trust, Humanity & A Dutch Pilot. Otherwise Known As The Important Things In Life.
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Monica O’Brien
• Resolutions Are For Chumps. I Choose Revolution.
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Illana Burk

Tags: eating disorders and fear, lifestyle design, overcome an eating disorder, overcome bulimia, personal development, rowdy kittens, tammy strobel