I had my "midlife crisis" around the time I found you, Ash, so I blame you.. Noooo JK. It was 2017 and my employer asked for my sisters death certificate to prove giving me bereavement time off was warranted. Punch in the face! and a wake up call in one. A twoffa. I realized I was working for a nazi company disguised as a resort. This resulted in me going back to school (at 56 years old)to get a masters in psychology to be a life coach which turned into a business coach (because you can't stuff away 30 years of business experience when talking to people about their lives). Which turned into writing and landing on email marketing. It was rough making all those transitions and lots of nights saying to myself "what the fuck did I do???) But I stuck with it because what was the alternative. Go back to a 9-5 and have to prove that my sister real did die? Fuck That! This was my motivation. I guess my advice for anyone in this situation, is to realize its going to take time and you'll have ups and downs along the way but don't give up. Stick with it like your life depends on it, because it does. (I might have borrowed that last line from you Ash, because it sure sounds like you) xoxoxox
I love this for you, Barbara! Going back to school at 56 for something as big as psychology is amazing! And takes guts. I'm so happy to hear it has worked out for you.
I hear you. I used a good portion of a company pension payout to pay off my student loans in my 30s. I think loans are the sole reason I've never pursued more education.
I’m sitting in a Bavarian hotel room with jet lag and feeling completely burnt out. For me the problem is that as a senior manager in my company, I have to clean up the mess of poor executive decisions. I’m done with it.
As the breadwinner in my family I can’t exactly walk away now. But I can take steps every day to a destination with a deadline. Life is too short.
I love that you’ve been able to distill this down to a simple idea of not putting pressure on finishing. I would also say that it’s important not to sketch out a clear and concrete path forward. Life doesn’t move that way. Fluidity is important. Keep the destination in mind and commit to working towards it consistently-but don’t confine yourself to one path.
My husband launched his custom clothing business this year and it gets me excited wanting to support him in growing that. It’s the first time where I’ve started to think outside of my own success. He’s so talented and the other upside is that I get amazing custom clothes out of it.
We so often think of progress as a straight, linear road, when it more often looks like a squiggly, squirmy, meandering path, which is not only okay but valuable.
This ----> "But, I’m starting to wonder if passion is really just interest, branded well. Perhaps a little too well." and the line about quitting needing better PR... I love this all so much. And the timing of this is perfect. I really need to start that luxury dog spa...
Well this was a fucking punch in the gut (I mean it's a squishy gut, but still). My husband retired in February and asked me to do the same, even though I've always been self-employed. But honestly, things in my business world have been a bit squishy as well, so I kinda-sorta backed away from things. I let writing articles slide. I quit posting. I quit struggling. I quit all the stuff. And it felt GOOD. But the void is an issue. What is next? It doesn't have to be money driven (who the fuck says THAT?) but it could be. And I DO have the clean slate and I'm ignoring it. But this article has lit a fire under my flabby ass. I CAN try bullshit things just because they look fun. And honestly, I've decided if I can't find someone doing the bullshit things, then I'm going to start doing them and inviting others to do them with me. Like do crappy art (gluing pasta letters to little plaques because its fun as hell) just tod o it. No thought of money, just doing fun stuff because I'm breathing. Thanks, Ash. You always find the words I'm looking for. (Now if you could find my keys that I'm looking for, I'd be set.)
Thank you for this. I’m stuck in a place I just don’t enjoy any longer. I’m 51. It’s refreshing to know that this isn’t the end of the road for me. I have a lot of interests; thanks to life events I can’t say I have any real passions and that’s what I’ve always read - “pick something you’re passionate about”. I’ve been down in a lot of dumps over it.
You aren't alone, Dave! More than anything, I think the thing that comes up for people is the idea that, hey, I'd LOVE to "follow my passion" if I only freaking knew what that *was*.
I think about this endlessly. Am working on a possible project for it. Stay tunedddddd!
I have been so hung up on making the right decision, the smart decision, not wanting to make a mistake. I’ve handcuffed myself. Now I’m just trying stuff I think I’ll enjoy. For once, I’m excited instead of terrified or intimidated!
I owe so much of this spirit of adventure to you, Ash. If it wasn’t for TMF, Meat & Hair, & Selfish School, I wouldn’t have the courage or feel like I have the tools to even attempt it. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us! 💗💗💗
I’m a copywriter. Been doing it for a decade. Did solo freelance for awhile, but I’m currently letting a company pay me to be a full-time employee because HEALTHCARE. I’ve kept up my freelance stuff, though, because MONEY and wanting to eventually leave the world of full-time employment again.
Over the past few months, I’ve reached a point financially where…things aren’t a dumpster fire. And honestly, my subconscious hasn’t known how to handle that. I’ve continued to say “yes” to more freelance work that doesn’t light me up, because my brain is still in scarcity mode. I have many moments where I’m like… “Maybe I could try something new? Cause I’m kinda over this.” And again, I’m in a stable enough place now to have some wiggle room TO say “no” to freelance stuff and to play with some new interests.
But I’ve been terrified. Because my nervous system is still like “noooo, we still gotta keep plugging away as a burned out 50+ hour a week laptop goblin.”
I purchased Selfish School when you launched it. Made it through the first set of lessons, got as far as brain-dumping my list of ideas for my craft + career assets, and then…have done nothing. I’ve been using the excuse that I’ve just been too busy (which, hi, still a freelance laptop goblin) but it’s also 1000000% fear.
I look at the list of ideas I came up with and I’m like “OKAY BUT I MUST CHOOSE THE PERFECT ONE THAT WILL PROMISE SUCCESS.”
I HAVE wanted to make the smart decision. But damnit, I’m tired of trying to always make smart decisions. And I didn’t realize it until this email. I WANT to play and explore and try something new. Or lots of new things. My ADHD brain LOVES new ideas. My anxious, lizard, scarcity-mode brain always steps in to say, “hmmm, but is that the smartest choose? Because healthcare is good. A salary is good. Consistent freelance income is good. What we know is good.”
I’m ready to at least find a freaking middle path. (Because it won’t be an overnight shift, I’m sure.) Let the salary and healthcare keep rolling in WHILE I ALSO give myself permission to play with some new ideas and interests. And I know in my gut, in the most instinct-packed parts of my body and soul…I CAN get to a place where I leave my full-time job and even a ton of the freelance work. I can live the Selfish Life. That IS the vision I have. It IS what I WANT.
Thank you, Ash. I’ve been obsessed with you since like 2016, and after all these years, your lessons STILL peel my eyelids open and make my skin ERUPT in goosebumps.
(Wow, out of context, it sounds kind of like a torture chamber? It’s not.)
Smart decisions, byeeeeeee. Following my interests and instincts and what feels GOOD…..LFG. 😈
Being a person who has multiple interests has gotten me into trouble with my family. I’ve never been afraid to try new things simply because I love learning new things. They always say I can’t seem to stick to one thing yadda yadda yadda. I’ve taken my love for learning new creative software, photography etc into my YT channel (@joyceleongstudio). I’m treating it like my online diary/Vlog where I share what I do and it’s therapeutic in the sense that I feel I’m moving forward daily and I’m potentially helping someone out there in the world with my videos.
This is full of wonderful advice and insight. Half way thru reading, it occurred to me that when people think they have the answers, they stop asking the questions. I have so many questions and hardly any answers and i feel like a better person for it all...
YESSS, YESS, YESSS, YES, YESSSS!! Saying this to muyself like Meg Ryan in the famous diner scene with Billy Cyrstal in When Harry Met Sally. In other wrords, "I'll have what she's /he's/they're) having!" :)
I had my "midlife crisis" around the time I found you, Ash, so I blame you.. Noooo JK. It was 2017 and my employer asked for my sisters death certificate to prove giving me bereavement time off was warranted. Punch in the face! and a wake up call in one. A twoffa. I realized I was working for a nazi company disguised as a resort. This resulted in me going back to school (at 56 years old)to get a masters in psychology to be a life coach which turned into a business coach (because you can't stuff away 30 years of business experience when talking to people about their lives). Which turned into writing and landing on email marketing. It was rough making all those transitions and lots of nights saying to myself "what the fuck did I do???) But I stuck with it because what was the alternative. Go back to a 9-5 and have to prove that my sister real did die? Fuck That! This was my motivation. I guess my advice for anyone in this situation, is to realize its going to take time and you'll have ups and downs along the way but don't give up. Stick with it like your life depends on it, because it does. (I might have borrowed that last line from you Ash, because it sure sounds like you) xoxoxox
OMG the cheek of some employers really baffles me at times. Good on you for kicking them to the curb! 👏👏👏
I was once reprimanded by my boss for not faxing (yes I’m aging myself) something the day after my best friend died. So yes to all of this!
I love this for you, Barbara! Going back to school at 56 for something as big as psychology is amazing! And takes guts. I'm so happy to hear it has worked out for you.
Thanks Kristi. I'm in a good place but having student loans at my age kinda sucks but what are you going to do....LOL.
I hear you. I used a good portion of a company pension payout to pay off my student loans in my 30s. I think loans are the sole reason I've never pursued more education.
Luckily besides our mortgage that's the only debt we have. :)
I’m sitting in a Bavarian hotel room with jet lag and feeling completely burnt out. For me the problem is that as a senior manager in my company, I have to clean up the mess of poor executive decisions. I’m done with it.
As the breadwinner in my family I can’t exactly walk away now. But I can take steps every day to a destination with a deadline. Life is too short.
I love that you’ve been able to distill this down to a simple idea of not putting pressure on finishing. I would also say that it’s important not to sketch out a clear and concrete path forward. Life doesn’t move that way. Fluidity is important. Keep the destination in mind and commit to working towards it consistently-but don’t confine yourself to one path.
My husband launched his custom clothing business this year and it gets me excited wanting to support him in growing that. It’s the first time where I’ve started to think outside of my own success. He’s so talented and the other upside is that I get amazing custom clothes out of it.
please share his website
His company is D. Gustibus Atelier https://www.dgustibus.com/
Love it!
Nice!!!!!
Agreed, Jessica. “Fluidity is important.” 🥂
We so often think of progress as a straight, linear road, when it more often looks like a squiggly, squirmy, meandering path, which is not only okay but valuable.
Also, jet lag sucks. I’m sorry. 💕
This ----> "But, I’m starting to wonder if passion is really just interest, branded well. Perhaps a little too well." and the line about quitting needing better PR... I love this all so much. And the timing of this is perfect. I really need to start that luxury dog spa...
That line really stood out to me as well.
it's just all so, so good...
Well this was a fucking punch in the gut (I mean it's a squishy gut, but still). My husband retired in February and asked me to do the same, even though I've always been self-employed. But honestly, things in my business world have been a bit squishy as well, so I kinda-sorta backed away from things. I let writing articles slide. I quit posting. I quit struggling. I quit all the stuff. And it felt GOOD. But the void is an issue. What is next? It doesn't have to be money driven (who the fuck says THAT?) but it could be. And I DO have the clean slate and I'm ignoring it. But this article has lit a fire under my flabby ass. I CAN try bullshit things just because they look fun. And honestly, I've decided if I can't find someone doing the bullshit things, then I'm going to start doing them and inviting others to do them with me. Like do crappy art (gluing pasta letters to little plaques because its fun as hell) just tod o it. No thought of money, just doing fun stuff because I'm breathing. Thanks, Ash. You always find the words I'm looking for. (Now if you could find my keys that I'm looking for, I'd be set.)
Haha from one squishy gut to another, go glue ALL the pasta letters! 😄 One day one of those letters will stick and you'll be like, AHA!!!!
Thank you for this. I’m stuck in a place I just don’t enjoy any longer. I’m 51. It’s refreshing to know that this isn’t the end of the road for me. I have a lot of interests; thanks to life events I can’t say I have any real passions and that’s what I’ve always read - “pick something you’re passionate about”. I’ve been down in a lot of dumps over it.
You aren't alone, Dave! More than anything, I think the thing that comes up for people is the idea that, hey, I'd LOVE to "follow my passion" if I only freaking knew what that *was*.
I think about this endlessly. Am working on a possible project for it. Stay tunedddddd!
I have been so hung up on making the right decision, the smart decision, not wanting to make a mistake. I’ve handcuffed myself. Now I’m just trying stuff I think I’ll enjoy. For once, I’m excited instead of terrified or intimidated!
I owe so much of this spirit of adventure to you, Ash. If it wasn’t for TMF, Meat & Hair, & Selfish School, I wouldn’t have the courage or feel like I have the tools to even attempt it. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us! 💗💗💗
Holy Ash-Literally-Always-Knows-The-Words-My-Soul-Needs, Batman.
I’m a copywriter. Been doing it for a decade. Did solo freelance for awhile, but I’m currently letting a company pay me to be a full-time employee because HEALTHCARE. I’ve kept up my freelance stuff, though, because MONEY and wanting to eventually leave the world of full-time employment again.
Over the past few months, I’ve reached a point financially where…things aren’t a dumpster fire. And honestly, my subconscious hasn’t known how to handle that. I’ve continued to say “yes” to more freelance work that doesn’t light me up, because my brain is still in scarcity mode. I have many moments where I’m like… “Maybe I could try something new? Cause I’m kinda over this.” And again, I’m in a stable enough place now to have some wiggle room TO say “no” to freelance stuff and to play with some new interests.
But I’ve been terrified. Because my nervous system is still like “noooo, we still gotta keep plugging away as a burned out 50+ hour a week laptop goblin.”
I purchased Selfish School when you launched it. Made it through the first set of lessons, got as far as brain-dumping my list of ideas for my craft + career assets, and then…have done nothing. I’ve been using the excuse that I’ve just been too busy (which, hi, still a freelance laptop goblin) but it’s also 1000000% fear.
I look at the list of ideas I came up with and I’m like “OKAY BUT I MUST CHOOSE THE PERFECT ONE THAT WILL PROMISE SUCCESS.”
I HAVE wanted to make the smart decision. But damnit, I’m tired of trying to always make smart decisions. And I didn’t realize it until this email. I WANT to play and explore and try something new. Or lots of new things. My ADHD brain LOVES new ideas. My anxious, lizard, scarcity-mode brain always steps in to say, “hmmm, but is that the smartest choose? Because healthcare is good. A salary is good. Consistent freelance income is good. What we know is good.”
I’m ready to at least find a freaking middle path. (Because it won’t be an overnight shift, I’m sure.) Let the salary and healthcare keep rolling in WHILE I ALSO give myself permission to play with some new ideas and interests. And I know in my gut, in the most instinct-packed parts of my body and soul…I CAN get to a place where I leave my full-time job and even a ton of the freelance work. I can live the Selfish Life. That IS the vision I have. It IS what I WANT.
Thank you, Ash. I’ve been obsessed with you since like 2016, and after all these years, your lessons STILL peel my eyelids open and make my skin ERUPT in goosebumps.
(Wow, out of context, it sounds kind of like a torture chamber? It’s not.)
Smart decisions, byeeeeeee. Following my interests and instincts and what feels GOOD…..LFG. 😈
It’s like you’re in my brain or something... that middle path seems to continue to elude me.
Being a person who has multiple interests has gotten me into trouble with my family. I’ve never been afraid to try new things simply because I love learning new things. They always say I can’t seem to stick to one thing yadda yadda yadda. I’ve taken my love for learning new creative software, photography etc into my YT channel (@joyceleongstudio). I’m treating it like my online diary/Vlog where I share what I do and it’s therapeutic in the sense that I feel I’m moving forward daily and I’m potentially helping someone out there in the world with my videos.
The shoe guy going to fashion school in Florence in his 50s - right there!! Proof that you're never. too. old! So inspiring!
This is full of wonderful advice and insight. Half way thru reading, it occurred to me that when people think they have the answers, they stop asking the questions. I have so many questions and hardly any answers and i feel like a better person for it all...
YESSS, YESS, YESSS, YES, YESSSS!! Saying this to muyself like Meg Ryan in the famous diner scene with Billy Cyrstal in When Harry Met Sally. In other wrords, "I'll have what she's /he's/they're) having!" :)