Personality is the New Marketing
On Punchy, Quirky, Personality-Filled Brand Names (That'll Stick a Jack Knife in Their Guts) šŖ
Today I bought my dead momās favorite honey mustard dip.
Kenās brand, obviously.
She used to put it on everythingāsort of like how I put cynicism on everything.
I keep thinking that if I had a mustard brand, Iād make it so much more fun. While āhoney mustardā is a classic, why not āDead Momās Mustard?ā I think thatās hilarious. Weād have Dead Momās Mustard, and Ketchup Stains from ā98, and Skating Rink Ranch, and probably White-Tee Shirt Sweetheart Sauce, which would be barbecue.
There would be no Thousand Islands, because this is my fantasy world, and I hate Thousand Islands. SPOILER ALERT: ITāS ACTUALLY THOUSAND ISLAND, SINGULAR, WHICH I JUST CONFIRMED VIA THE WORD OF OUR LORDā GOOGLE.
Well, that really seals the deal for me.
The only disappointing thing about my feud with this sick little sauce is thatāapparentlyāits origins are Canadian, and I love Canada. I love everything about Canada. Iām so sorry Justin Trudeau. Iām so sorry about everything.
Iāve been thinking about brand names for, oh, 15 years now, and one thing that never changes is the need to create memorable ones. Ones that snap, swing, swirl, bounce. Ones that make people irrationally excited.
You know what people do when theyāre excited, right?
They say the word yes.
They say yes to trying your thing, while giving you the benefit of the doubt.
The brand name itself does a TON of heavy lifting, because simply by liking a name we become more open-minded to whateverās on the other side of it. We find ourselves interested.
Contrast that with a dead, dull, generic, uninspiring name thatās the color of dust. Nobody wants to buy dust.
Just take a look at these crime scenes:
Global Solutions Inc.
Synergy Partners Ltd.
Dynamic Consulting Group
Innovative Business Systems
Premier Solutions Network
Advanced Management Services
NextGen Enterprises
Integrated Resource Associates
Corporate Excellence LLC
Business Advantage Worldwide
What?
Iām laughing because none of us have any idea what those companies would even do. How can you connect to a person if you canāt even use their language?
Then weāve got the Online Hell Passive Incomeā¢ļø version of these:
ClickSuccessOnline.com
NetProfitMasters.biz
DigitalWealthSolutions.net
EZMoneyFunnels.com
OnlineBizProsperity.com
VirtualIncomeHub.io
PassiveProfitMachine.com
FreedomEntrepreneurNow.com
ECommerceEliteAcademy.com
AffiliateWealthBlueprint.com
Iām pretty sure my IQ just dropped 100 points just typing those.
And then thereās the spiritually-drunk version:
Authentic Life Mastery
Inner Bliss Coaching
Soul Purpose Pathways
The Empowered Self Hub
Awaken Your Potential Academy
Radiant Life Revolution
Infinite Possibilities Coaching
Your Best Self Blueprint
Unleash Your Truth
The Mindset Maven
The wedding photography industry is also full of fairy lights in mason jars:
Forever Moments Photography
Captured Memories Studios
Love Story Lens
Timeless Snapshots
Ever After Photography
Two Hearts Captured
Happily Ever Photos
Cherished Clicks
Picture Perfect Weddings
Eternal Bliss Photography
Who else? AH, real estate! Theyāre the khaki pants 𩳠of business branding.
Prime Realty Group
HomeQuest Properties
Elite Realty Solutions
Superior Property Network
NextHome Advantage
Optima Real Estate Services
Prestige Home Associates
Pinnacle Realty Experts
Property Partners Inc.
Ultimate Realty Professionals
And then the entirely predictible digital product gang:
Ultimate Productivity Bundle
The Success Toolkit
Digital Mastery Blueprint
Content Marketing Playbook
Online Income Accelerator
The Complete Digital Pack
Email List Builder Pro
Social Media Growth Hacks
Instant Sales Formula
Passive Profit System
Are we going to survive this email? Do we need cocaine? Does your brand name need cocaine? Should I stop saying cocaine?
Iāve never tried cocaine for the record. I feel like I need to put that on the record.
You know which brand names I think are fantastic?
Subversive Cross Stitch
Indie brand that does DIY cross-stitch kits with bold, snarky phrases.Eggslut
LA-based eatery that's provocative and unforgettable.Big Gay Ice Cream
Loud, proud, and impossible to ignore. Ice cream with attitude.Octopus Energy
UK-based energy brand praised online for being refreshingly fun and approachable in an industry that's anything but.Misfits Market & Imperfect Foods
People love these online grocery stores for tackling waste with a name that feels proudly rebellious and honest.Big Ass Fans
They took customer feedback literally and ran with it.Anti-Monkey Butt Powder
Seriously, look it up.Poo-Pourri
THE bathroom spray brand with humorous branding that has sold over 60 million bottles since its launch in 2007. (Including to my house.)Sorry Mom Tattoo Care
Irreverent products for tattoo loversAss Savers
Bike fenders and products for the cycling communityClusterfudge
Chocolate fudge brandAwkward Family Photos
Books & merch, but wouldnāt this be fantastic as a photo framing company?PMS Bites
Snack company that was on Shark TankLittle Pricks Cactus Co.
This is just hilariousSatanās Breath Hot Sauce
How have I not tried this yet???Unicorn Snot
Glittery cosmeticsCranky Grannyās Pie Company
I love this juxtaposition of what you expect from a grandmotherly pie companyBalls of Steel
Whiskey chillers with a name that exudes confidence and a causeāsupporting men's health.Deez Knots
Nautical gear & boating apparel, oh yes
Now, obviously these are highly irreverent names, which happen to be my specialty. They certainly donāt have to be irreverent to be effective in todayās marketplace, but you know what they do need to be?
Human.
Notice the language shift.
1ļøā£ Pinnacle. Success. Premiere. Advanced.
2ļøā£ Gay. Octopus. Misfit. Cranky.
Weāre using real human words. Real words that people actually say.
Believe it or not, this is what people (actually) mean when they say that something is written āwith personalityāāa person actually sounds like they wrote it.
Personality mattersāeven in pixels. Especially in pixels, because there isnāt any other context.
No one wants to even browse content anymore if it isnāt a product thatās tailored to them, by which I mean, tailored to their reading & experience expectations.
Words are products.
Your content is a product.
Doesnāt matter where youāre writing it.
People still expect the content to be wonderfully-written; to make a point; to take a stand; to add something interesting; to say something worth their time. Their time is the cost. š°
Most content, however, is still just content. Not a product, but a burden.
The very first place to start? The very first place where you can, and should, set the tone for your customers? Is with a memorable, punchy brand name that tap dances across tongues and then shoves a piano down their throat.
Set the tone.
Light a spark.
Stick a knife in their guts.
And donāt be afraid to take risks with your brand.
After all, itās (still) the most underutilized marketing tool there is.
Love,
Ash
P.S. šØāš¦°šØāš¦°šØāš¦°āThis man with the stache is my new favorite emoji. This will be our secret code for āWRITTEN WITH PERSONALITY, THANK YOUUUUU.ā
I belly laughed at āCorporate Excellence LLCā
Just needed to say that Big Ass Fans has me snorting at my desk š